Exclusive Invention: The Scarf Wig

The Scarf Wig
An artist’s impression of what the scarf wig could look like. Please note, the scarf wig is not intended for doggies as doggies do not need to wear hats (due to owning fur).

It’s getting cooler now with the arrival of autumn and some of you may be wondering how to get a bit warmer. Well, you’re going to have to wear some additional clothing, we’re afraid, so no more hot pants and wife beater vests for our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, as he needs to be in tip top condition to ensure this site keeps on churning out life-changing content. Today is such a post as the scarf wig will help out those looking for an interesting new hat, as well as providing additional fashion incentives in the buildup to winter.

The scarf wig is a simple but brilliant product and we’ll address why it’s been invented right here. Many men are bald, so the wig is to make them not-bald. If you aren’t bald, though, you’ll be wondering this: “Why do I need a wig when I already have hair?”. Well, fool, you can view the wig as a, sort of, Inception hat – hair within a hair, you know? Or just see it as a fancy hat. Whatever, we think the idea is great and we’re going to pitch it to you some more.

The Scarf Wig

When you think of scarves you think of Brad Pitt in World War Z, Scar from the Lion King, and effeminate men not macho enough to brave the big freeze at winter. Well, if you are a wuss then the scarf wig is for you! It’s a wig with a scarf stitched into the hair, so you can fashion the scarf around your neck and then slot the wig atop of your bonce. Voila, you look stylish, handsome, and you have a fetching new haircut!

Better yet, it’ll be absolutely impossible to lose your wig (due to, say, a sudden gust of wind) as it’s attached to the scarf. Plus, you won’t be able to lose the scarf as it’s attached to the wig – it’s ultra-convenient! The scarf wig is also fitted out with a tracking chip so, in the event you do lose your beloved product, you’ll be able to download the Where’s My Scarf Wig? app (£10/$15 – you’ll need to pay an additional £5/$10 to unlock the precise location feature) which will inform you where your scarf wig has gone.

The scarf wig is, of course, much more than just a scarf with a wig on it. The product can be used for all manner of other activities! For instance, when it’s summer and this product may not seem desirable in baking heat, the scarf wig can be used as a hankie to mop the sweat off your brow! Just don’t forget to wash the product every now and then otherwise it will begin to reek of BO.

The Professional Moron Winter Range

With winter bearing down on us all like a slobbering monster bearing down on its hapless prey, we’ve got a special winter selection of clothing in development for men and women. All products will be available in garish pink and will include: hot pant hats (now you’re not wearing your hot pants in the chilly weather, fashion them as a hat!)… that’s about as far as we’ve got at the moment, but there will be plenty more on the way once Mr. Wapojif has overcome his fashion creator’s block (like writer’s block, but based on fashion).

8 comments

  1. I’ll take a half a dozen!! I’ll never have to wash my hair again, just the scarf! Another amazing product from Professional Moron! The savings alone in shampoo & conditioner make this product more than affordable.

    Liked by 1 person

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