15 Video Games Ruined By Adding “Porridge” To The Title!

Porridge
Lovely! After this delicious breakfast, it’s time for a bit of Sonic the Porridge.

Video games and porridge go hand in hand. Many a time we’ve been left in awe by the fantastic rendering of the stuff in many an AAA or indie title… or are we just talking nonsense again? Well, let’s prove our point by not really proving it at all! If you like your breakfast much, plus your video games, be prepared to realise why it’s integral to the gaming experience!

Half-Porridge 2

Video game controller

One of the best FPSs in history! Play as Gordon Freeman as you attempt to understand why all the porridge is suddenly half price. What is this madness!?

Super Porridge Bros.

Handheld games console

Classic Nintendo 2D platformer involving the porridge brothers – Mario and Luigi. They run, they jump, they eat their breakfast.

Porridge Was Alone

Video game controller

Award-winning indie game about how lonely porridge can get. This will move you to many, many, many tears.

The Legend of Porridge: Breath of the Wild

Handheld games console

Multi award-winning Nintendo masterpiece from 2017 about how legendary porridge is. Play as Link as he teams up with Zelda to get all the breakfast foods in Hyrule.

Horizon Zero Porridge

Video game controller

Epic 2017 RPG on the PS4 where protagonist Aloy is searching for a horizon which is free of porridge (due to the wild abundance of breakfast cereal monsters etc.).

GTA Porridge

Handheld games console

Controversial violent game involving the theft of everything. Not suitable for three year olds due to potentially upsetting scenes of violence against porridge.

World of Porridge

Video game controller

Play as the Alliance or Horde in this epic MMORPG as you trek across Azeroth defeating noobie scum and saving lots of porridge.

Porridge Fantasy VII

Handheld games console

Legendary JRPG series with lots of fantasising about porridge. Play as Cloud as you try to defeat Sephiroth, who is one really weird SOB as he prefers cornflakes.

Ori and the Porridge Forest

Video game controller

The greatest indie game of all time, which has a major focus on a forest which is alive with plenty of breakfast foodstuffs.

 Call of Porridge

Handheld games console

Ultra-violent war FPS where the call of the porridge is simply overwhelming. Take on a horde of acne-ridden male children and teenagers as they call you “gay noobie scum” in this battle for pubescence.

Assassin’s Porridge

Video game controller

Popular series involving an assassin who must, at all costs, protect his bowl of delicious, nutritious oats.

Super Porridge 64

Handheld games console

Generic Nintendo 64 title featuring excellent gameplay, but rubbish graphics and no cutscenes.

Uncharted: The Lost Porridge

Video game controller

A game where the oats have been lost. You must go and find them. Enjoy your quest!

No Man’s Porridge

Handheld games console

Disastrous indie game which promised much porridge, but delivered only gruel. Such a wasted opportunity. The backlash against the developers included puerile death threats, unsolicited pictures of private parts, and unwanted gifts such as inferior oat grain cereals.

And finally…

The Curse of Monkey Porridge

Video game controller

Monkeys are great, as confirmed by Ross Gellar from Friends and his pet Marcelle, but monkey porridge just isn’t up to standards (largely due to the excess of faeces in there). Avoid the food and this game.

8 comments

  1. I have played many a porridge game listed here. I have forgotten to soak the porridge pot during the day, and had to scrub it hard in the evening. But I have never forgotten…. “Silent Porridge” … I’ll never be the same!

    Like

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