TV Shows That Never Were: Glove Island (better than Love Island)

Female doctor with gloves
“Welcome to Glove Island!” – “Jesus…”

Whilst it’s easy to mock Love Island as the ultimate in trash television, it’s also easy to stare at the beautiful people being beautiful (and intensely stupid). This is because beauty is all that matters in a person. That and wealth. Have beauty and wealth and you are a superior person.

Now we’ve got that cleared up, we want to ride the wave off Love Island and suggest a spinoff: Glove Island. For this, there will be gloves. And an “island” (actually a clump of mud off the coast of Blackpool). It’s gonna be a hit (especially with glove wearers).

Glove Island

In Love Island, the general idea is to have a bunch of conventionally attractive people wandering around whilst wearing very little. They’re on an island and they, sort of, flirt with each other. It’s dull. But people love it… why?

Well, it’s certainly not accommodating for the glove-based sect of the viewership. For shame! And that’s something Glove Island aims to remedy.

Glove Island will air directly after episodes of Love Island, ensuring confused fans continue on watching – this will maximise viewing figures in a dubious sort of way.

The idea of the show is to get as many gloves as possible onto an island (or clump of mud, in this case). The mud patch is 100ft by 200ft and we reckon you can, well, get a good solid 500 gloves onto that.

Then we remembered we’re from England and kind of live on an island. So this is where the show takes place – on England, with the plan being to ramp up the number of gloves within the nation.

Of course, we want to set a world record here. We want England to be the most populous glove nation on Earth! And here’s a chilling fact… there are more gloves on Earth than there are people. Oooh, foul your pants scary, huh?

Best Episodes

The hour-long episodes consist of the show’s presenters (Arnold Schwarzenegger, Prince Philip the Duke of Edinburgh, and Jim Carrey) documenting the thousands of airdrops from planes and helicopters.

Professional Moron organises the cargo drops, which will plunge in Blitz-like fashion into the land of England. The cargo is full of gloves, obviously.

The trio will commentate as the gloves crash land into the Earth, spreading the number of gloves across the land. From Soho down to Bright, sure plays a mean glove. Here were the best episodes that happened in an alternate universe where this TV show was produced!

  • Gloves: In this episode many gloves were delivered to England. Jolly good show, old sport!
  • More Gloves: Some more of the things turned up.
  • Lunch Break: This episode has almost nothing to do with gloves and everything to do with everyone having a lovely long (all day) lunch break. Unfortunately, Jim Carrey’s ad-libbing annoys Arnold Schwarzenegger and there’s a horrific fight to the death involving the Duke of Edinburgh being used as a battering ram.
  • Lawsuits: The Royal Family, unimpressed with the treatment of good old racist Prince Philip press charges against Glove Island.
  • Royal Gloves: The Glove Island crew responds by asking for royal gloves to shower across Britain as part of the patriotic fervour.
  • Court and Jail: The Royal family deny this request and the Professional Moron team return, once again, to jail.

One comment

  1. Huh! Never heard of Love island. However, this is a fab idea.
    It takes me back to the old days when there was a show called “The Love Boat” I hated it, but thought if it was “The Glove Boat” it could really make waves.
    As always, your choice of luminaries bodes well. Too, bad about always ending up in jail!


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