Romance is a big deal at Professional Moron. Just this morning our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, proposed to a drunken tramp in Manchester’s Piccadilly Garden. The tramp assaulted him with a beer bottle.
Such a display of love at first sight got us thinking about romantic movies, romance, toilets, and bog paper.
The Bridges of Madison County and Toilet Paper
Bridges, Madison County, Robert Redford, Meryl Streep, and toilet paper. What more could you want from a movie?
500 Days of Toilet Paper
This is a film about a man who plans to eat toilet paper for 500 days. Spoiler alert: Aliens invade and ruin his endeavour after a fortnight.
Toilet Paper Actually
Romantic comedy about a weirdo bloke who asks out some toilet paper, but always gets turned down because toilet paper is dating the toilet.
When Harry Met Toilet Paper
Love at first sight, marriage, and bog roll babies. So cute!
Four Weddings and Toilet Paper
Lots of laughs to be had here as hapless Hugh Grant attends four weddings and brings bog roll as his wedding day present. L oh L, he’s so charmingly awkward!
P.S. I Love Toilet Paper
Don’t we all?
Toilet Paper in Seattle
Been to Seattle and ever wondered about its stance on bog roll? This alarming documentary explores how it’s shaped the city’s very culture.
You’ve Got Toilet Paper
I know I’ve got toilet paper, I just went into my bathroom to check. What a stupid film!
Bridget Jones’ Toilet Paper
Oscar-winning film about a woman called Bridget Jones who runs a toilet paper business. That and an illegal human trafficking black market side-hustle.
Gone with the Toilet Paper
Don’t you just hate it when you invite a friend into your home and they steal all your bog roll? That’s what this poignant documentary explores. Narrated by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
10 Things I Hate About Toilet Paper
A controversial, hate-filled drama about the evils of toilet paper. Includes damning verdicts such as “Not fluffy enough!” and “Too abrasive!”. Due to this film, the International Bog Roll Commission sued its director, Arnold Schwarzenegger, for $700 million. They received damages of $20.
Beauty and the Toilet Paper
Disney’s animated classic gets a live adaptation remake with, like, loads of bog rolls. The result? The film is ruined. Hurray!
Gentlemen Prefer Toilet Paper
This is true. Non-gentlemen jam their hand in there are presume that’s enough. Non! Not correct, fool!
The Remains of the Toilet Paper
A moving documentary about what happens to the remains of bog roll after, you know, it gets crammed into all manner of crevices.
And finally…
The Last of the Toilet Paper
Daniel-Day Lewis method acted the shite out of this role for the 1992 epic period drama. He spent years working in a toilet paper factory to understand the very essence of what it means to be a single sheet of the stuff.
Professional Moron 
I remember seeing ‘Toilet Paper, Actually’ on a flight from Auckland to Singapore once. Well, a movie with a similar title anyway… It didn’t seem to exactly make sense and it wasn’t until I saw it again, later, that I realised it had been clipped for the purposes of being shown on an aircraft and the entire sequence with the two ‘movie setup stand-ins’ had been mostly, but not entirely, wiped. Could have been worse, I suppose, they could have shown ‘Panic in the Skies’, ‘Airspeed’, ‘Turbulence’, ‘Cabin Pressure’, etc…
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Can you imagine watching Alive on a flight anywhere ever? That’d put hair on your eyebrows. Love Actually is more of a… thing. I don’t know, it’s very quaint.
I trust you’ve seen Withnail & I, yes?
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I haven’t! I will try to locate a copy in NZ. Currently I have no TV set and no streaming media service (it’s temporary but likely not fixed before Xmas).
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What in the name of!! For my money, it’s the best British comedy film ever. Better than Life of Brian. I highly recommend it, and it’s on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3_AVFATjb8 (illegally, watch your back)
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I will check it out! 🙂
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Don’t you just hate it when you invite a friend into your home and they steal all your bog roll?
I do!!!
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It is infuriating, but then I steal everyones’ bog roll all the time! Lolz.
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😊
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u wot m8?
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I’m a bot.
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Bzzzzt.
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All perfectly ruined moves! Fabulous, although you did forget “Anne of a Thousand Rolls of Toilet Paper” & “Toilet Paper Town”.
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If you can make a gown out of toilet paper I’ll be impressed.
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… and then what? Hang it in the bathroom until its a bra top?
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No. Actually… YES!
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Most inspiring post I’ve read in a while. 10/10!
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Cheers! Inspiration is stuff I do well.
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I’d say more romantic movies would be ruined WITHOUT toilet paper, but I don’t think the people are ready to hear about that…yet.
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Agreed there, madam! Toilet paper, iz da shizz!
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