Haiku Friday #9: Autumn & Autumnal Illness Special

Right, more goddamn poetry for you goddamn idiots who read this goddamn blog. Oooh, autumn is pretty is it!? Shut the hell up!


Autumn is here. 
So it’s time to grab a beer.
And have a drink with some deer.

Drunk on Autumn

Autumn’s hear. 
Time to grab a deer.
And drink with some beer.

Nice Leaves

I like to stare at the colour of leaves. 
They make me think of my butler Jeeves.
He should probably see a doctor.

Nice Trees

Gosh, the trees look so pretty. 
I would like to sing a little ditty.
Once I’m no longer being attacked by this angry kitty.

Nice Leaves Falling Off Trees

Wow, look at those leaves fall. 
It reminds me of a great big waterfall. 
Too bad I’ve got gout. 

Early Morning Frost

Pavements are frosty come autumnal airs. 
It brings forth from humans many bad swears. 
Upon slipping and falling on arse. 

New Clothes For Cold Weather

It’s disappointing I can no longer wear my mankini. 
Nature sure can be a meanie. 
And the cold weather shrivels up my weenie. 

Planning Ahead For Christmas Shopping

Because I am a thoughtless man bloke. 
I am going to pretend I am broke. 
And buy everyone I know a can of Coke. 

Old Shoes Leaking in Rain Water

Damn, I should buy a new pair of brogues. 
My man feet smell like a rotting corpse.
I shall insert feet into bleach to remove stench.

The Common Cold Returneth

In the office environment doth we go.
Snivelling and sneezing away in woe.
That’s the last time I help my colleague blow his nose.


Sometimes when I need to sneeze. 
I really start to wheeze. 
And then I perform a striptease.


Sometimes when I start to cough.
It feels like I am about to blastoff.
But then I just tend to nod off.


Looking at the beautiful sky. 
I cough up mucus everywhere. 
And now I’ve sneezed all over my girlfriend’s head. Shit. 


Up it comes that bright yellow Sun. 
Looking like a hot-crossed bun. 
Or someone with jaundice running a marathon. 


  1. Love the Haiku “Nice Leaves Falling Off Trees”! Makes me think of that old song by that British duo, Tears and Fears …or so.. 🎵🎵Gout, gout – Let it all out – 🎶- This is an illness 🎵🎶 worth talking about..🎵

    Liked by 1 person

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