Agony Aunt: “My wife’s laugh really annoys me!”

A woman laughing.
Laugh it up, fuzzball.

Most people like to laugh. Except for misery guts who just like complaining. But most of the time, most people want to laugh (mostly).

However, what if someone you know has a really annoying laugh? What if that person is your significant other!? That’s what this sad reject deals with.

Advice About Annoying Laughs

Dear Agony Aunt. I love my wife, Susan, but she has this really shrill laugh and she does it all the time and it's hurting my ears and annoying the hell out of me.

We've been married a month and I'm starting to think, "Where's that woman who wasn't laughing like this before we got married!?" Is my whole life a lie?!

To be honest I'm getting a bit pissed off about it. She was doing it throughout our honeymoon! She laughed like that the first time she saw me naked (we saved nuptials for post-marriage, whether you think that's old-fashioned or not I care not a jot!), and she keeps laughing hysterically at my "old-fashioned" lifestyle.

For example, I rise each morning and have a full English breakfast. She finds this hilarious and calls me, "Fatty, fat, fat, fat!" I make my usual protestations, but she finds that funny as well and keeps laughing. 

One day during breakfast I snapped, stood up, and roared at her, "Will you be QUIET, you frustrating battle axe woman!?" My mouth was full of black pudding and hash browns and I sprayed a load of that everywhere during my rebuttal. 

Yes, she found that very funny as well. I think she's given me tinnitus because of all this! Should I sue her? I feel like that may have a negative effect on our marriage. 

Whatever! I'm at my limit with this woman. I've been speaking to my colleague, Barbara, and she's said she's eager to marry me. So I may swap the current one for the other one. 

I've put together a list of questions for Barbara as my suitable wife. These questions are:

1. Do you have a really annoying laugh? 
2. Would you say your laugh is shrill or more subtle? 
3. Have you ever deafened anyone with your laugh? 
4. What was the last thing you laughed about? 
5. Do you find full English breakfasts amusing? 

Barbara seemed a bit confused by this questionnaire, but completed it anyway. I am satisfied with her responses and have presented my findings to my current wife (Susan), who found it hilarious. 

"That's it!" I said to myself. This woman needs to go! However, before I commence divorce proceedings I want to make sure I'm making the right decision. Your thoughts? Regards, Mike

Hi, Mike. Susan appears to be suffering from what’s known as Post-Marriage Hysterical Laugh Syndrome (PMHLS).

It’s a chronic condition that’s, luckily, not fatal within the first 70 years of it developing.

However, it also doesn’t go away. So you’d have to put up with it for the rest of your time together.

This does, unfortunately, mean there’s no way to determine if Barbara will develop the condition after your marriage.

Psychoanalysts believe PMHLS comes about due to a woman of a certain age settling for any man to marry she thinks is acceptable. Kind of as a midlife crisis.

However, after the marriage the crushing reality hits home and the woman adopts a type of marriage-based gallows humour. Hence the continuous laughter.

Unfortunately, this just means you’re the type of bloke no woman would ever want to really marry, but just settle for due to your comfortable familiarity.

Sorry to be brutally frank about that, Mike. Maybe get a face lift and a six pack if you want to become more of a desirable human male. All the best!

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