Full English Breakfasts: Explaining This Ode to Gluttony

A full English breakfast with baked beans, toast, a sausage, hash brown, and mash.
Note the mini-Marmite pot!

This is about as patriotic as it gets. Anyone who doesn’t like a full English breakfast can get off this website, now. God Save the Queen!

We teared up a bit there. The very THOUGHT of our precious breakfast tradition receiving mockery. Ee ba gum

What’s a Full English Breakfast?

It’s a large cooked meal from England, typically featuring bacon, baked beans, fried mushrooms, fried tomatoes, sausages, and toast.

Since the Brexit vote, nationalistic Brits have really thrown their mindless might behind the dish. Why? As it represents everything that is great about England!

Think about it. There are ENGLISH beans, ENGLISH tomatoes, ENGLISH eggs, and ENGLISH plates etc.

Although, of course, a lot of those ingredients aren’t sourced from England at all, rendering the pro-Brexit brigade full of the usual self-aggrandising shite.

Not even John Bercow yelling “Order!” can help there.

The breakfast also clogs your arteries and adds to the nation’s obesity problem. You can’t get no more patriotic than turning to the NHS for support following self-induced maladies. Tally, bally ho!

Anyway, in truth this breakfast is very tasty. It’s just also hellishly bad for you. So, limit it to once a year or something.

Not that us Brits do. The popularity of the dish means it’s available at any time of day in many cafes and restaurants. Indeed.

How to Make a Full English Breakfast

The dish is more about heating stuff up, rather than proper baking/cooking. Frying stuff, so it has the name “fry-up” as well.

Really, the main thing you need to worry about is timing. There’s a lot going on and you need it all to come together at the right cooking moment.

Don’t screw it up now, you hear? The nation depends on it! The ingredients you’ll need include:

  • Baked beans
  • Sausages (meat or vegan)
  • Mushrooms and tomatoes
  • Bacon (meat or vegan)
  • Bread (that’ll soon become toast!)
  • Butter (for the toast)
  • Ketchup/brown sauce

You can also add to this dish with:

  • Black pudding
  • Mashed potato
  • Hash browns

Failing that, you can just have a tinned full English breakfast. Takes most of the cooking away and clogs your arteries the quicker for it. Huzzah!

The History of the Full English Breakfast

The origins of this one aren’t overly clear. Fish & chips grew as a national dish because of its use in World War II.

That’s sort of what’s going on here. During the war, army general Bernard “Monty” Montgomery would dine on a fry-up during his campaign in North Africa.

But you can trace its history further back to the Victorian era. That’s when home economist Isabella Beeton (1836-1865—she died just after childbirth aged 28) penned the Book of Household Management (1861).

Amongst the many recipes in there for a hearty breakfast, the full English was one of them.

And, over time, it’s come to represent everything glorious about the best planet in the world! For England, James?


Dispense with some gibberish!

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