Happy 2021! It’s another one of those year things and many of you will be nursing a massive hangover after whatever festivities you got stuck into. Fools!
Such as today’s hapless halfwit, who preempted his hangover by sending this days earlier. Time to get our doctor’s cap on.
Dealing With a Hangover
Disclaimer: Our medical advice is appalling and, to the highest possible degree, isn’t based off any sound education or training. It’s best to just ignore us.
Dear Dr. Moron. Hello. I am going to be very hungover on 1st January 2021 as me and me mates are getting lashed on a Zoom party get together. Yeah, we can't meet up because of coronavirus. But! I reckon we might as well get wasted anyway. What the hey? At 42, it's not like I have any other life responsibilities. The wife can take care of the three kids, you know? I need my downtime. So yeah, hangovers are a real bastard at my age. How do I take the edge off it? Or is there a cure you know of? That'd be a real time saver. Plus, I don't fancy spending the first day of 2021 dry heaving into a bucket while I'm slammed out in bed. You know? Ta, Derek
Hi, Derek. That’s a very mature attitude there, it’s great to see you thinking ahead and taking responsibility for your actions.
Drinking any sort of beverage can lead to a hangover. We’ve seen grown adults utterly wasted off mint tea, for example, after downing several litres in quick succession.
You really need to be very careful out there. But, since you’re going to be hungover reading this, we can recommend the following course of action:
- Do the ironing. Might as well get some chores out of the way, eh? So iron your clothes.
- Go for a jolly good fun stroll.
- Clear the puke up off the floor from the previous night.
- Embrace your dry heaving. Use it for sympathy points from your wife.
- Eat some cottage cheese.
- Drink a glass of lemonade.
- Take this time to think how lucky you are in this big old world and be thankful you don’t have rabies, or something.
However, we appreciate it’s not always as simple as the above. And, in fact, you may be more inclined to:
- Curse your very existence.
- Lounge around in bed groaning.
- Stagger about unsteady on your feet.
- Become insanely paranoid about stupid things.
- Wonder why you can barely remember anything.
- Wonder why the only thing you can remember is telling your best mate he’s a “bellend”.
You may want to consume some food and drink to aid your recovery. We can recommend a greasy burger and a can of Coke.
Most doctors will tell you to eat and drink healthily, but the chances are the sight of some broccoli will make your stomach heave.
So go for good old-fashioned greasy stuff, eh? And if you’re really feeling bad, have a shot of petrol to take the edge off things.
Now, of course, most medical practitioners will tell you drinking petrol is bad for you. And we agree with them. But it’s a New Year celebration, so why not? All the best, Derek.