So you want fried chicken and then you want to buy the furniture you were sitting on while consuming the aforementioned fried chicken!?
Then you’re in luck! Because Frank’s Fried Chicken & Furniture Shop & Café is openly randomly and you need to hope you luck out that when you turn up you’re welcome!
Because if you turn up and we’re not open, we’ll be bloody angry you’re on private property and will chase you off our land with hacksaws!
Mescaline Health & Safety Notice
Please note, all customers arriving for food and shopping must take a tab of mescaline (3,4,5-trimethoxyphenethylamine) before entering the property.
This is for legal reasons we’re not allowed to fully disclose.
Although it may have something to do with the hallucinogenic aftermath prompting you to go on an insane spending spree amongst our tacky furniture.
Free copies of The Doors of Perception will be provided to help you deal with the experience once you’re seated, eating, and tripping your bollocks off.
Eat AND SHOP at Frank’s
YES! We’re a fried chicken café (fast food restaurant, if you’re a snob) AND a furniture store!
So you come on in and eat fried chicken! Drug addicts and deviant hippies welcome!
So, now you’re thinking, “Well, would you bugger me! I really like the look of that sofa!” And guess what?! YOU CAN BUY THAT £500 SOFA! YES!
Just imagine how DELIGHTED you’ll feel when you leave our store! Full up on DELICIOUS fried chicken made by our working class chef on minimum wage. AND you have a FANTASTIC new sofa to take home!
Does it get any better than that? No. No, it doesn’t! Not even getting a message from GOD would come close to this astonishing experience!
While you do all the above, The Door’s minor 1967 hit People Are Strange will play on a constant loop. Over time, this will disorientate you considerably.
And when you begin to shuffle amongst the plastic deck chairs and knackered out old sofas, the swirling contractions of your brain will envisage fire breathing dragons and Jim Morrison urging you to buy that mouldy old grey fabric couch.
If it’s good enough for the ghost of Morrison, it’s good enough for you.
Discounts, Discounts, DISCOUNTS!
At Frank’s, we want everybody to be able to eat here! Whether you’re young, decrepit, rich, or a lazy poor person!
That’s why we have discounts to make sure you get the best POSSIBLE deal on our fine dining. We’re offering:
- Buy one, get none free!
- FREE STOMACH PUMPING ON US!
- NB: This is in case you have a bad trip off your mescaline.
- Free airlifting service. Sofa too big to get into your car? We’ll hire a helicopter to take it to your home! This’ll only cost you £10,000!
- Delight in every bite… or your money back (if you can remember anything)!
Remember, most of the above pertain to your capacity to remember anything at all after your drug episode.
If you can’t remember a thing (a 99.99% probability) the discounts DO NOT apply. Welcome to Frank’s!