Dangerous Mary’s Horrifying Gardening Co. [Sponsored Post]

Dangerous Mary's Horrifying Gardening Co.
Warning: Explosions not free or charge.

Dangerous Mary’s Horrifying Gardening Co. is THE industry leader in explosive gardening excellence!

Our visionary CEO, Dangerous Mary, is a mover and shaker! Quite literally!! She causes so many explosions the Earth constantly vibrates around her!

If you’re looking to destroy your garden (and the world around you!), book a FREE six-hour consultation with The Horrifying Gardening Co. TODAY!

Don’t forget, we’ve teamed up with Sid’s Shed Slaying Service to destroy ALL of the SHEDS in your region! Don’t let those wooden bastards get away with the crime of existing! 

Dangerous Mary’s Consultation Process

“If it’s weeds, we can kill it.”

Dangerous Mary needs to know as many intimate details about your life before she can make a judgement about you and your garden.

Whether you have chrysanthemums, marigolds, or a bonsai tree in your garden… Mary has got know!

The consultation* is over the phone and will involve questions such as:

  • Do you think gardens are nice?
  • When you’re gardening, do you ever have bloodthirsty thoughts?
  • Do you think all sheds should be destroyed?
  • What are your views on the communist manifesto?
  • Do you mind enormous explosions?

Once you’re booked in with Dangerous Mary’s Horrifying Gardening Co., we’ll rush down to your premises at a time that suits us.

* Please note, your data will then be run through the Dangerous Mary algorithm to determine if you’re worthy of our time and efforts. If we decide you’re easily manipulated and malleable with your finances, we’ll look to exploit the situation as much as possible.

Dangerous Mary’s Explosive World of Gardening

The Dangerous Mary service is all about obliterating gardens (and sheds) from the world. She’ll personally plant the following around your garden:

  • TNT
  • Bombs
  • Grenades
  • Semtex
  • Fireworks
  • Petrol

Once everyone has been ordered to stand back by at least 20ft, the explosives will be detonated.

This will render your garden an uninhabitable wasteland for at least the next decade!

And if you’re wondering, “Erm… why?” Well, to ensure you can enjoy your free time doing anything better than gardening! Of course!

Dangerous Mary can’t stand it, you see. So, if you’re:

  • Retired
  • Boring
  • Stupid
  • Fond of sheds
  • Have too much time on your hands
  • Are wasting expenditure on a superfluous gardener

With Dangerous Mary’s, you’ll save time and money! When you no longer have a garden, you’ll find there’s a whole world out there to explore.

You can then set your ambitions higher on the likes of:

  • Robbing banks
  • Starting riots
  • Indulging in black market arms dealing
  • Being really nasty and snide to people for no reasons

So, get in touch… TODAY! An explosion is only a phone call away! Ring! Ring! Boom!

Dispense with some gibberish!

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