Sid HATES sheds. He loathes them with a passion. In fact, his motto is:
“If it is a shed, it will be dead.”
It was under this mindless hatred he founded Sid’s Shed Slaying Service. The world’s ONLY business dedicated to annihilating all simple roofed structures used for garden storage.
Book TODAY and we’ll help to blow up any and/or all sheds in your local vicinity.
Sid’s Special Shed-Based Discount
But first, here’s a message from our sponsor: Basket Case Ben’s Bonkers Barbers.
“Not even a drunken clipper cut could obliterate a shed the way Sid’s Shed Destroying Service does. It is a marvel to behold. That is why I, Basket Case Ben, heartily endorse this business, its mission, and the end of all shedkind.”
That’s right! Simply enter the code DEATH2SHEDS in our checkout for a COMPLETELY FREE short, back, and sides at Basket Case Ben’s—the most dangerous barber in the world!
Because after you’ve seen your garden shed blown to smithereens by 50 tonnes of high explosives, the first thing you’ll want is a haircut (to get all the rubble removed).
Sid’s Shed Destroying Statement
“When I were a lad, there were nothing more terrible than seeing a shed in a garden. Just sitting there. Waste of space… GODDAMN BASTARD THINGS!” Sid, CEO of Sid’s Shed Slaying Service
Ever since the 1950s it’s been our CEO’s glorious mission to blow up every last shed in the world.
Once he’s accomplished this noble plan, he intends to build gazebos in their place.
And that’ll mean opening up a gazebo company. However, by our rough estimates, there are still several hundred million sheds left in the world.
Due to this abundance of sheds, Sid is withholding his side hustle until sheds are on the endangered species list.
How Sid Slays Sheds
If you have a shed in a garden, simply get in touch to report it. For a £300 fee, we’ll drive down to your premises and gun the bastard down with a bazooka.
We also use TNT for sturdier sheds. As atom bombs are illegal, we do have to refrain from anything more explosive than that.
Sid is also highly trained in the arts of hunting down sheds. With public support, you can fund his mission—please donate online into the company coffers.
Sid’s patented Shed Showdown hunting technique involves:
- Visiting garden centres and questioning staff about recent shed sales.
- Tracking down recent shed purchasers.
- This is a complex process of following tyre marks on roads, plus errant pieces of shed that have fallen by the wayside.
- Prowling through neighbourhoods at night to locate, and destroy, sheds.
- Public tip-offs! These are a vital part of our service. If you spot a stray shed, let us know—there’ll be a £20 reward on us!
- Hacking NASTY’s satellites to locate sheds, hunt them down, and terminate them.
Yes! Sid is The Terminator of sheds. As Kyle Reese once opined:
“[Sid] doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And [he] absolutely will not stop, ever, until [all sheds] are dead!”
So, give Sid’s Shed Slaying Service a call today on 0161 0001 1000 01010 0!