Did you know 99.9% of people think they don’t need brain surgery?! THAT IS A DISGRACE!
At Bob’s Bargain Brain Surgery Bonanza, you can get your brain’s inspected for only £100! That’s cheap as chips!
And if you’re a Professional Moron reader, you get a 10% discount! Just head straight to Bob’s website and enter the code: MORONBRAINS2022.
Get a Craniectomy to Claim Your COMPLETELY FREE SANDWICH! 🥪
Hungry? You sure will be after you’ve had brain surgery! And that’s why EVERY patient receives a free Pot Noodle sandwich after attending Dr. Bob’s clinic.
Dr. Bob has a passion for smashing his way into skulls with sledgehammers. Ever since he was a boy he wanted to operate on the human brain!
“Ever since I saw Krang in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles I’ve been obsessed with brains. Krang was my calling in life. I obsessed about Krang. I dreamt I’d marry someone like Krang one day. And I KNEW GODDAMMIT… that I’d be the first person in the world to transplant a human brain into the body of a Chihuahua!”
Dr. Bob may have failed at his Chihuahua-based brain goals, but he’s still an expert amateur brain surgeon highly esteemed across the black market.
Think of some really complex, complicated things. Stuff like:
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
- Those Where’s Wally? books from the 1990s
- Sandwiches with the crusts removed
Well, the human brain (🧠) is more complicated than that lot! And that’s why Dr. Bob wants to hack his way in there with a meat cleaver to poke around.
Inspired by Santiago Ramón y Cajal’s The Beautiful Brain, Dr. Bob is the best in the business* and you can guarantee you’ll receive BROI (brain return on investment).
*Disclaimer: Dr. Bob is NOT the best in the business, as we are legally obliged to inform you. In fact, he is solely responsible for 179 botched brain operations due to drunken errors and rampant infatuation with Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Chihuahuas.
Improve Your Life With Dr. Bob’s Experimental Brain Surgery (🐕)
Our experimental brain surgery is designed to remove minor nuisances from your life. Think of some common brain-related struggles:
- Inability to understand fundamental grammar (e.g. their, there, and they’re)
- Advanced physics is beyond you
- You only speak one language
- Failure to comprehend plot developments in Stranger Things
- You find classical music so boring
It’s Dr. Bob’s job to crack open your skull and fiddle around with the hippocampus, amygdalae, and all that grey matter until you’re a genius!
No more getting “your” and “you’re” mixed up!
No more adding 2+2 together and getting 12!!
No more trying to read Solzhenitsyn’s First Circle but getting stuck on the first page!!!
And the ONLY way to achieve a better YOU… is to transplant your brain from your body and stick it into the skull of a Chihuahua. Woof! 🐕
Now, we know what you’re thinking…
No, it won’t cost you an arm and a leg! The surgery is cheap as chips at £100 a session. And did we mention you get a COMPLETELY FREE Pot Noodle sandwich!?
What better than to emerge from some fevered nightmare where fundamental grammar is confusing, to find you’re a Chihuahua that’s about to consume instant noodles!
That is perfection. And Dr. Bob delivers it with a 99.9% failure rate!