To address the current moral panic surrounding carrots, this public service announcement is for the good of the reader reading this statement.

Swarms of carrots are documented as illegally crossing the channel into the great British nation. These carrots are known to be crossing the channel on boats with the aim of:

• Coming over here to take our jobs!!
• Coming over here to live off benefits!!
• Coming over here to marry our women!!

While lefty scum critics have suggested the carrots are actually arriving via trade boats, along with many other vegetables, to stock supermarket veg aisles, the carrots have been noted living in council house larders and taking up key ingredient jobs in restaurants.

This must be stopped! For it is a disgrace. And an attack on democracy!

The Carrot Invasion

A November 2022 report titled The Carrot Invasion: Britain’s Battle With Orange Tapering Root Vegetables highlights the crisis at carrot.

On page 1,320 of 45,601 it states:

“Great Britain is overrun by carrots. There is no deny this reality. As you read this, there are over 10 million tonnes of carrots clogging up the supermarkets, restaurants, and houses of these fair isles.

The ramifications of this are many and varied. They include:

• Carrot juice is in such wild abundance it affects the sales of more British-based delicacies such as Bovril.
• Carrots block the sale of other more British vegetables, such as mushy peas. And that is appalling.
• Carrots are just a bit annoying.
• Carrots are quite dangerous and could have someone’s eye out.

The message is clear. There are too many carrots. And it is our moral duty to ensure these accursed vegetables no longer threaten our very way of life.”

The message is, indeed, clear. There are too many carrots!

It’s reached the stage where we’re sobbing ourselves to sleep at night in dread regarding this matter. The carrot is the greatest threat of our time and YOU, citizen, must enter the battle to end this living nightmare.

How to End Carrots

The root cause of the carrot issue dates back to the birth of communism. Now we’re overrun with these disgusting orange things, it’s time to fight back.

Everyone can do their bit! Here’s your statement of intent to follow:

1. Stop buying carrots!
2. Stop looking at carrots!
3. Stop talking about carrots!
4. Attack any carrot on-sight!
5. Hate the carrot at all times!

To help you concentrate on this goal, here’s the mantra to repeat daily:

“Kill the Carrot!”

Carrot purges will commence from January 2023. Local communities should gather as many of the vegetables together as possible. Put them all in a great big pile and detonate them with Semtex.

The next step is to start using different ingredients in your food. You’ll quickly find you don’t miss the carrot. Some examples:

• Carrot cake: Replace the vegetable with salt and aspic for a much more delightful savoury treat.
• Carrot soup: Replace the vegetable with lashings of fish fingers to make a much more delightful soup.
• Roast carrots: Choose roast potatoes, citizen!

And the list goes on. Truly, the fight begins in the larder. Free your home of the carrot and you free your soul of moral bankruptcy.

The battle is one day at a time, citizens, and we need YOU to Kill the Carrot!