If you’re hopelessly addicted to punning… help is at hand.

At the Pun Addiction Rehabilitation Centre, we realise punning non-stop is more addictive than crack cocaine. More destructive than heroin. WORSE EVEN THAN BEING A CHEESE ON TOAST ABUSER!

That’s why, with our landmark medical procedures, we can help you (or a loved one) stop punning. That’s right… you can RID YOURSELF of this terrible disease faster than you can drop a cringe-inducing one-liner.

Book yourself into the clinic today. Your salvation is only £10,000 a night away.

The Pun Clinic

When patients arrive at our clinic, they’re often in a state of total mania. Jabbering wildly, they’ll be so addicted to punning many will be able to drop 10 puns a minute. One-liners such as:

• “My ceiling isn’t the best, but it’s up there.”
• “Clones are people two.”
• “I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time.”
• “The mountains aren’t just funny, they’re hill-areas.”
• “Someone stole the police station’s toilets. They have nothing to go on.”
• “I put all my cash into an origami business. It folded.”

As the Pun Addiction Rehabilitation Centre, we’re specialists in curing these appalling lines that ruin lives.

Schooled in the discipline of Arnold Schwarzenegger noises, and with PhDs in advanced one-liner studies, we know how to stop people from punning.

It isn’t easy.

It takes willpower, grit, and determination.

But at the Pun Addiction Rehabilitation Centre, we’ve got all the drugs you’ll need to get you over your punning problems. You name it, we got it:

• Crack cocaine.
• Heroin.
• Meth.
• Absinthe.
• LSD.

Nothing gets you off punning faster than a heaping great big dose of cocaine! You’ll also get a 10% discount off other addiction clinics once you’re clean from puns, but then yearning for cocaine 24/7. Now THAT’S a bargain!

How to Safely Detox From Punning

If you want to take a route free from class A narcotics, you’re in for a rougher time of it. It’s not recommended, but we’re here to help even if you want to take what we call the “Stupid Route”.

Our sage advice for any pun addict is this—DO NOT risk going cold turkey from puns. Stopping punning can lead to:

• Wordplay hallucinations.
• Frothing one-liners at the mouth.
• Dad joking yourself to death.
• Hysterical screaming.
• Blubbing like a big baby.

You’ll also suffer horrifying lucid dreams packed out with jaunty aphorisms and bizarre innuendo, rendering you a sweaty, anxiety-ridden mess.

Foul your pants? Yes, you’ll do that at some point, too!

So, it’s our best advice you stick to the hardcore drugs. It’ll get you off the puns, then you can go and get yourself clean from heroin etc. That’s much easier to do (possibly).

Book yourself into our clinic today! It’s £10,000 a night and we have a clinic FREE from all literature. The only books you’ll find here are for us to help you overcome an OD session from all the drugs.

Have this ancient maxim in mind when dealing with withdrawal, as it’ll help you through our clinic in no time:

“Heard about the junky fisherman who caught a duck? Now he’s hooked on quack.”