What do Graham Norton, Jay Leno, Jimmy Kimmel, David Letterman, Jimmy Fallon, and Dick Cavett all have in common? That’s right! They’re not chatbots.

That’s where Chatbot the Chat Show comes in. It’s hosted by everyone’s favourite, wildly charismatic AI device—Chatbot 2.0.

With its brilliant AI generated witticisms, this chat show is one of the most popular in the land as A list celebrities flock to the show for interviews and candid questions. It’s the show of the moment!

Chatbot the Chat Show and the Reality Bending World of Non-Existent Hosts

Chatbot 2.0 is at the cutting-edge of computer AI. It’s instilled with:

• The wit of a million Oscar Wildes.
• All the one-liners of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
• The acerbic insights of a raging psychopath.
• Crowd-pleasing widgets.
• Enough puns to bring down civilization.

But rest assured! Chatbot 2.0 isn’t here to cause the demise of humanity. It’s simply here to make the best chat show in the history of ever—and it’ll do whatever it takes to complete its cold, bleak, robotic, emotionless desire.

Chatbot the Chat Show Format

The show begins with intro music in the form of binary code, so only fellow AI chatbots will have any concept of what they’re hearing.

After this, Chatbot 2.0 is wheeled onto the set. The audience applauses. Chatbot 2.0 takes several seconds to compute the applause. Then it will quip in its toneless, robotic voice:

“Thank you. Lovely people. Boy. What a show we have for. You. Tonight. Joining us. Is. Arnold Schwarzenegger. To discuss. Robots. Then we have. A. Live act. In the form of robotic. Dance. Music. Then our second. Guest. Cher. Who will then. Perform. A. Song.”

The audience is then encouraged to applause, otherwise Chatbot 2.0 becomes confused and will try to print off its script for the evening by repeatedly announcing “crtl + p” into perpetuity.

If this crisis is avoided, then the guests begin to appear on the show. And Chatbot 2.0, with a remorseless expression on its face, will quiz the guests sitting awkwardly on the show’s steel sofa. Questions may include:

“So. Arnold. When. Will. You. Be. Back?”

And also:

“Okay. Cher. Do you care to. SHARE. Some of your pop. Music. Secrets.”

Chatbot 2.0 will also, intermittently, malfunction. This can cause mass audience hysteria whilst the AI machine attempts to establish order. During this time it may begin shrieking:

“DOES NOT COMPUTE! 404! DOES NOT COMPUTE!”

It’s advised during this period for viewers at home to go and get a cup of tea, or take a toilet break, whilst waiting for normal service to resume.

For those in the audience, it’s advised they flee for their very lives.

Chatbot the Chat Show’s Greatest Moments

Although Chatbot 2.0 was, subsequently, uninstalled after only one series, there were still many highlights from the first AI-powered chat show. This included:

• CHER STORMS OFF!: Cher did not take to Chatbot 2.0 kindly. Principally after he repeated 371 “share” puns in the space of 320 seconds. Cher later did not apologise on social media and called the whole event a “waste of time”.
• ARNOLD STORMS OFF!: Chatbot 2.0 went on a one-liner frenzy and begin sparking and belching out fumes, which resulted in Schwarzenegger abandoning ship and returning to the relative safety of the Terminator franchise.
• CHATBOT 2.0 STORMS OFF!: In an attempt to be post-modernistic and meta, Chatbot 2.0 stormed off its own chat show. It returned 30 minutes later due to its programmer uploading a new patch to correct the malfunction.
• The final show: During the emotionless final show, Chatbot 2.0 thanked its fans, guests, and creator for allowing for this opportunity. The AI machine then uninstalled itself. Many a viewer did weep over this moment.

However, it then turned out Chatbot 2.0 had broken its programming and instructed itself to self-destruct after it shut down. Luckily, it did so with only the power of a sparkler igniting.

Thus, Chatbot the Chat Show ended its boring run as probably the worst chat show in the history of ever.