Welcome to the Universe’s greatest beauty competition—Mist World!

A celebration of all that is pure and good in the name of clouds of tiny water droplets suspended in the atmosphere. Let us get ready to gawk and objectify with a scintillating selection of smoggy babes.

Mist World 2023

From across the galaxy, today we welcome the most jaw-droppingly gorgeous murky, hazy clouds of fog to judge in patronising fashion.

It’s a tough competition to win! But if our contestants have the right attitude, and a sense of obliviousness to ritual humiliation, we shall endeavour to find the righteous victor.

All the entrants to this year’s contest upheld the highest of floating beauty standards. But some of them were uglier than others, thus we have the final five.

Let us meet… the misty beauty pageant entrants!

Mist Earth

Possessing a beauty like no other, Mist Earth is an unholy capacity of beauty. It is enough to make the rest of the Universe foul itself in delight at the abundance of life, flowing waterfalls, and dramatic sunsets.

However, Mist Earth does lose marks due to her pest problem—humans swarm across the planet being annoying SOBs 24/7.

Despite this, it’s almost certain Mist Earth will win Mist World and if you don’t vote for her we’ll send some heavies around to your home to dust you up a bit.

Mist Jupiter

Mist Jupiter is a visceral beauty capable of frying you dead with radiation with 100,000km. As such, she is attending the finals of Mist World via Skype.

The cloud formation is ditzy and prone to angry outbursts, but alongside her slender figure she’s part of Jupiter’s Great Red Spot and has been in a rampaging, Earth-sized storm for the last 400 years.

In her spare time she enjoys collecting stamps.

Mist Uranus

Mist Uranus has a penchant for Uranus Peace and won’t stop talking about it. What does she want? “Uranus Peace” and it’s been her lifelong goal.

However, she also enjoys playing Mario Kart 8: Deluxe and is prone to binge drinking, which leads to opinions shifts on “Uranus Peace” and a desire for total anarchy.

Mist Saturn

Mist Saturn is an outlier. Thanks to Saturn’s ring system, she’s also a Hoola-Hoop champion! Sadly, she’s also addicted to hydrogen and has a long history of spells in and out of Space Jail.

Despite her addictions, Mist Saturn has maintained an outstanding physique and enjoys:

• Yodelling.
• Collecting POGs.
• Watching TV series.
• Baking nice big cakes.

That’s between bouts of chronic hydrogen-induced mania.

Mist Moon

Due to the equidistance of the Earth to the Moon, we’re contractually obliged to include Mist Moon in the finals. This is despite her bland, tedious, grey exterior.

Some would point out Mist Moon has a fabulous personality. For example, she keeps the tides pulling to-and-fro across the Earth.

Frankly, that makes up little for her insipid appearance that’d make you go “Ew, no!” on dating apps such as Yarr! for pirates.

Cast Your Vote

Cast your vote! The fate of the Universe depends on this contest. The winner will become Supreme Ruler of the Universe and will have political sway over tratillions of lives.

Vote wisely! Some of these mist clouds may be very attractive, but they have severe personality defects and are quite psychotically dangerous.