You’re going to have to excuse our behaviour as we’re really going to go off on one with Batman & Robin (1997). Why? As Arnold Schwarzenegger entered One-Liner Heaven throughout that weird as heck film.

Can you imagine if someone decided to layer up Arnold’s performance by letting him go crazy and drop horrendous puns as often as humanly possible?

That’s what happened in Batman & Robin with director Joel Schumacher. The result? Well, it’s just something truly special to behold.

Analysis of Every Single Ice-Based Pun by Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin

When Big Arnie is let off his creative leash you’d better brace yourselves.

From our counting, there are some 16 puns from Mr. Freeze throughout the film, with a huge proportion of them ice-based. Bearing in mind he’s the film’s antagonist, but he doesn’t have a huge amount of screentime.

This means his appearances-punning ratio is pretty much 100%. If Mr. Freeze is on the screen, there’s gonna be a pun.

An the puns ahead range from unfathomable in their nonsensical qualities to being borderline clever and usable in day-to-day life. Let’s explore them!

Adam & Evil

The character Poison Ivy (Uma Thurman) appears in the film a fair bit, sparring with Mr. Freeze whilst also have a kind of… frosty romance.

After they join forces it’s left Poison Ivy has this to say:

“Just what I had in mind. Everything dead on earth, except us. A chance for Mother Nature to start again. Behold, the dawn of a new age. My mutant plants have the strength of the deadliest animals. Once you have frozen mankind, these babies will overrun the globe, and we shall rule them, for we will be the only two people left in the world.”

Mr. Freeze, bless him, then suggests the pair of them are, “Adam and Evil!” (Bible fans take note of the pun).

We’re sure Mr. Freeze was very proud of this pun, but we must say it’s probably the worst of the lot. Which is why we love it! But also noteworthy as it’s the only one from Batman & Robin that doesn’t relate to ice in some way.

As such, this precious anomaly is worth celebrating for the outstanding achievement this was amongst a film frozen solid by the icy grip of subzero temperatures.

Very niiiice

This one is a bit lazy but, yeah, it’s there, it exists, and we acknowledge it. Well done.

Always winterise your pipes

We can’t say we understand this one. It’s rubbish and we’d say the weakest pun in all of Batman & Robin. As such, that achievement alone warrants this SOB gets a very special place in all of our hearts.

I’m afraid that my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy

Very good one, this! What a putdown! Seriously, you’ve got everything you could ever want from a Big Arnold pun here.

Tonight! Hell freezes over!

It sure does! Probably due to Big Arnold noises and all that guff. As a pun… we’re going to have to skip over some of these due to how bad they are.

All right, everyone! Chill!

This one makes him sound like Donald Trump patronising Greta Thunberg on Twitter (before Trumpy went off and had a genuine meltdown after losing the election).

But we quite like Big Arnie’s line here. Chill. It works. Why? Mansplain mode enabled—as people are freaking out, but Mr. Freeze and his terrifying appearance turning up to tell people to “chill” is ironic and that. It’s clever, see?

The Iceman Cometh

Context for each punning scene adds little sense to what Arnold is ranting. Let’s put it this way—there’s a madman on the loose and his puns make no sense.

You’re not sending me to the cooler

Above point noted, as this makes no sense! Why!? We’re not even adding an ice-based image to the above as it’s so pointless.

Stay cool, bird boy

No.

Allow me to break the ice

This one is clever as it plays on multiple social and geographical thingies. And we must say it makes sense and makes a good inclusion. “Good” under the bracket of “so godawful eventually something will make sense” bracket.

It’s a cold town!

How does this even register as a pun?

Freeze in Hell, Batman!

Again, doesn’t make any sense. Let’s clock this one in as a 10/10.

Cool party!

Another dodgy one. Well, they’re all dodgy aren’t they? This one is clever wordplay as he’s Mr. Freeze and he’s saying “cool” because he’s also cold because he’s Mr. Freeze.

He could have varied this up by saying “Cruel party!” maybe. In reference to how cruel he is a total maniacal baddie. But then we’re glad he stuck to the cool.

Let’s kick some ice!

We don’t know how much Schwarzenegger was paid to star in this film, but man alive. Millions of dollars just to turn up and land some of the worst one-liners known to humanity… it’s not a tough gig, is it?

Tonight’s forecast? A freeze is coming!

You get the impression by this point in the film Batman and Robin would just be sick of the sight of Mr. Freeze. Like, “Oh, God… here he is again with his bloody ice puns!”

As a psychological study of Mr. Freeze’s state of mind, to feel the need to launch into the most disastrous puns imaginable upon arriving into situations would suggest he’s highly obsessive about subzero temperatures and probably a madman.

One look at the guy kind of confirms that in general, really, as he’s this giant blob of blue ice and drops puns on everyone without request.

What killed the dinosaurs?! The Ice Age!

Okay, so for context here Mr. Freeze is shouting that line out whilst in a natural history museum with skeletons and stuff.

In that respect, it makes some degree of sense. It’s just the fact he yells this line out whilst Batman and Robin look on in wonder at his antics.

And how the line, on reflection, doesn’t really make any goddamn sense. It’s like Mr. Freeze has just turned up, desperately wracked his brains for some sort of pun to announce (as otherwise he’d look stupid, or something), and this was the result.

Plus, it wasn’t an Ice Age that killed the dinosaurs, Mr. Freeze, it was an asteroid impact and the subsequent fallout of global climate change.

The Puns Missed From Batman & Robin

Given the room the writers had to play with here, we’re disappointed to see some ice-based puns left hanging.

Here’s a brief collection we put together:

• Ice say! (being a play on the polite British saying, “I say!”)
• I’m going to SLICE you in two, Batman!
• I’m like a bird of paradICE unlike you, Robin!
• Ice and easy does it!
• My cold will bring tears to your ice, Batman and Robin!
• Now… you’re as cold as ice!
• Icy what you did there, Batman!
• I’ve got my get out of HAIL free card, Batman!
• I see you, Batman. I have GLACIAL recognition.
• You’d make a lousy ICE-TRONAUT, Batman!

Got any better ones!? We bet you have not! But feel free to add some in the comments if you can stand the heat.