Human males are prone to attempting these things called “compliments”. Unfortunately, many a human male greatly misjudges what they perceive to be flattering.

For example, a geezer may compliment a human female (“dame”) on her backside, or other body part, under the belief this isn’t gross and leering.

Is such a remark worthy of a slap to the face? A school of thought says, “Yes it is!” Let’s explore this matter like a slap to the chops (and don’t forget to download the dating app SLAP! to get sweet, sweet revenge).

Is it Socially Acceptable to Slap a Man For Being a Jerk?

Dear agony aunt,

Okay, so I’ve been on a spate of dates with men recently and it’s like they’re all rotten to the core. It’s really quite alarming to see some of their behaviour.

One of them turned up wearing a wife beater vest that had loads of food stains down the front of it. When I asked him why he was dressed like that he said, “Babe, if you don’t like me when I’m putting the effort in your sure as shit won’t like it the rest of the time, doll face.” He got a slap for that and he’s pressing charges against me for assault. Kind of ironic given his attire.

Another spent all the time on his phone. On Tinder as I found out, just scrolling through “hot chicks” because he only dates “hot chicks” and I was “acceptable”. He got a slap for that and I left him mid-date and he later texted me saying I was a “bitch”.

Then there was John. Dressed very nicely, well-mannered, handsome, kept himself fit, was very polite and seemed lovely. That is until the food arrived. He’d ordered a steak and the freak… CHEWS WITH HIS MOUTH OPEN and was getting spittle everywhere and making the most nauseating noises and scoffing munching and God I hate that man. I didn’t even bother I got up and immediately left (after I slapped him, of course, because some of the steak juice from his gob ended up on my very expensive dress).

On the way home I also had to slap 13 other men for laughing at me (steak stains on my white dress) or making leering remarks. I even slapped three of the male waiters on my way out of the restaurant for not telling off my date for being a dick.

I’ve counted, actually, so far this month I’ve smacked some 213 men for various offenses. And it’s only the third of September as I type this. I guess I’m on for a record!

Anyway, what I want to know is… I am being a bitch?

Or are all these slaps justified?

Yours, Natasha

Hi there, Natasha. Your situation reminds us of a famous quote from a romance novel. We forget its name, but the quote serves its purpose here:

“We choose to go to the Moon. We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.”

We don’t think that needs any further explanation, it’s all crystal clear.

It is up to you whether you slap a human male or not. Just remember, some men have stubble and that stuff is very brittle. It may cause you minor abrasions on the palm of your chosen slapping hand.

If you’re willing to take that risk then, yes, we see no issue with slapping a bloke for being an absolute SOB. Lewd remarks, for example, deserve it.

Worst case scenarios also deserve a kick to the knackers.

However, do restrain yourself a tad. Smacking those poor waiters was a bit OTT they’re just trying to earn a living, Natasha. You could have just given them the evils (i.e. an evil glare) as you stormed out of the restaurant. No need for physical assault.

Armed with this fresh knowledge, we wish you well on your trip to the Moon and back in search of a man bloke who isn’t a SOB.