Jane Austen’s 1813 novel of manners Pride and Prejudice is a much-celebrated work. With over 20 million copies sold worldwide, its lesser-known sequel is lesser-known.

It’s the magnificent Pride and Orange Juice.

Set in the early 1800s, the novel of manners explores the impact of orange juice on an upper class community in Hertfordshire and how a certain Mr. Darcy allows it to overwhelm his world.

A fine example of early addiction literature, Pride and Orange Juice rivals De Quincey’s Confessions of an English Opium-Eater (1821) for its gritty realism and thirst-quenching magnificence.

Pride and Orange Juice: Romance, Addiction, and Upper Class Tomfoolery

“I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book! When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.” Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Fine words indeed from Jane Austen in Pride and Prejudice.

Readers simply couldn’t prepare themselves for the onslaught of psychological horror that followed in Pride and Orange Juice.

A world where Mr. Darcy loses his crap and begins drinking OJ by the bucket full—turning orange in the process, his vitamin C addiction sends him on a journey of horrific delirium and posh British accents.

As Mr. Darcy plunges the depths of despair and back, his ready wit and pompous charms are still on hand to drop lines such as:

“She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me (in the way orange juice does), and I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. I just want my orange juice…”

And also:

“Yes, orange juice is a weakness indeed. But pride—where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation. Like orange juice! Yummy, scrumptious OJ—with bits, naturally.”

The second half of Pride and Orange Juice descends into bloody warfare as the pro-orange juice with bits campaigners clash with the orange juice with no bits campaigners and a 10-month war exploding.

During this time Mr. Darcy pitches in with the Orange Juice With Bits camp, battling heroically in a bid to ensure British breakfast tables have high-quality OJ with floaty bits across the land.

A most noble pursuit indeed.

However, after having his right leg blown from his body after a one litre carton of Sunny Delight detonated next to him on the beach of Skegness, Mr. Darcy quipped his leg would grow back after a glass of cool, refreshing OJ.

In fact, Mr. Darcy’s saviour instead arrived in the form of the humble cucumber sandwich.

After consuming 135 of these, his health was restored, he had a false leg fitted, and he returned to British society clean of OJ.

Reaction to Pride and Orange Juice

Orange juice manufacturers reacted angrily to the publication of this work, believing it to depict OJ in a negative light. Primarily due to the portrayal of:

• Addiction.
• Withdrawal.
• Death and destruction.
• Warfare.
• Cucumber sandwiches as a cure-all.

Literary critics were also highly critical of Pride and Orange Juice, many believing it to be an “idiotic” high-concept novel that made little sense.

Although the author of the work remains anonymous, rumour has it that it may have been one of Jane Austen’s peers who wrote the book to make Austen look like an incompetent idiot who lucked out with the first book.

A one-hit wonder, as it were.

Another rumour has it that an alien being from outer space wrote the work in an attempt to infiltrate British society.

However, this rumour has never been confirmed as fact. Thus, the confirmation of the existence of alien beings also remains unsolved—we contacted the Jane Austen estate with regards to slobbering alien monstrosities, but received no response.

Finally, one bit of good news is the sale of OJ with bits skyrocketed after the publication of Pride and Orange Juice.

This success was attributed to handsome Mr. Darcy and his posh British accent (as well as the staggering gullibility of your average consumer and their mindless purchasing habits).