UNNNGHHHH!!!!! The Angriest Man of the Year Competition 2024 is set to commence for the third time on May 44th of 2024.

Tickets will cost PRECISELY of the amount: £345.12. The event DOES NOT accept online payments or credit/debit cards—payments MUST be made in hard cash.

In return for your fiscal endorsement, you get to see the UK’s angriest men compete in anger contests to determine the angriest of the lot. The winner gets to go on a bad-tempered rampage around their local community with ZERO legal repercussions.

The Contestants: The Men Seeking to Be the Angriest in All the Land

Check them out! Here they are! They’re so angry they’ve signed up to prove it by raising their blood pressure and going all red in the face! HNNNNNNGHHHH!!!

Craig the Cross

Craig the Cross is an angry all-rounder, preferring to permanently verge on the state of fury rather than indulge in total seething, raving, bad-tempered outburts.

This does make him an expected loser for The Angriest Man of the Year Competition 2024, but he does have a secret weapon! And that’s his unwavering belief that his indignation expression is the best of the best.

Mike the Mad Bastard

Mike the Mad Bastard began his furious career at the age of six when he was short changed for a bag of bon bons in the local sweet shop. He was so angry he ram-raided the store with a van he stole from the local taxi company.

He hasn’t looked back since, spending time in jail, prison, and generally on the run from the law.

However, he views this event as an opportunity to control his uncontrollable madness into something positive for society (such as ending up back in prison where he belongs).

Derek the Displeased

Derek is always displeased about things. You’re most likely to find him down the pub with his tabloid reading mates, putting the world to rights, saying it how it is, and leering at women.

However, Derek’s moodiness is being turned into something productive. He intends to WIN this competition by keeping it real, saying it how it is, and hopes to find some top totty to leer at whilst doing so!

Andrew the Always Annoyed

Lord Andrew Twisleton-Wykeham-de Pfeffel Money-Scoffington III is angry ABOUT KIDS ON HIS LAWN! He also hates poor people and lowest common denominator biscuits.

With nothing better to do, he’s entering this competition knowing he’s already won. Such is his superiority over society.

His doting wife, Dame Andrea Twisleton-Wykeham-de Pfeffel Money-Scoffington, will be buy his side with cups of tea at the ready as and when Lord Money Scoffington III needs them.

Up in Arms Angus

Angus is up in arms so often he can barely even contain himself. That’s why he’s got male pattern balding. Enraged about his exposed cranium, he’s hellbent on venting his fury.

To support him in his victory goals, he’s got his lucky pet ferret Jeffrey. This beast provides emotional support and good luck.

A superstitious man, Up in Arms Angus will participate in the event naked due to believing clothing will restrict his anger.

Hot-Tempered Harry

After the collapse of his cement business empire due to Marxism, Harry is hot-tempered and wants to let it all hang out.

The most handsome participant in this event, his mug will grace many a poster to get women attending to swoon over him and think he’s the perfect man (even though he’s a colossal wanker).

The Angriest Events Imaginable

Where there’s an anger contest, there’s a need to promote anger! We’ve got some of the most rage-inducing events available to get our contestants frothing at the mouth.

• Screaming into a gaping quarry: Our angry men gather on the edge of a cliff in a Welsh quarry and roar into the abyss.
• Arguing over car parking spaces: The contestants will arrive in a busy car park and fight for the few places remaining. The consternation that follows will determine whom is the angriest drive.
• Reacting with rage to someone cutting ahead in a supermarket queue: One of the worst crimes in all of the UK is to cut a queue. The explosive vexation response to this could be the pivotal moment of the contest.
• Getting stuck behind slow walkers: How does one deal with being stuck behind slow moving people? The most explosive examples of flying into a rage could swing the competition!
• Drivers not signalling before turning: Such a thoughtless and lazy driving act deserves much fuming. Watch on in glee as the most insane respondees track down the non-signaller in Terminator fashion to let them know what they think.
• Losing a race at the last second because of the blue shell on Mario Kart 8 Deluxe: Arguably the most infuriating thing that can possibly happen ever, behold the anger masters as they rage quit and proceed to destroy their TV and games console.

Events are rated 10/10, with contestants rated on their incandescence. For example:

1. Being mature and intelligent about a car parking fiasco will result in 0/10.
2. Screaming obscenities and threatening to smash people’s faces in will result in around an 8/10. Going red in the face would tip it towards 9/10.

Please bring earplugs to this event, otherwise you’ll leave with a severe case of tinnitus due to all the roaring.