Psychopathic Shampoo is a psychopath. This delightful hair washing implement arrives fresh from the next big cosmetic brand—Axe Wielding Maniac Enterprises Corporation Ltd.

With delightful scents of blood splatter and mayhem, Psychopathic Shampoo is everything you ever dreamt about in your worst nightmares. It’s mean, it’s expensive, the stench of rotting fruit is overpowering, and you’ll be too terrified to ever take a shower (or bathe) again!

Read on to discover more about this horror story of a product.

When Shampoo is Psychotic Humanity Begins to Smell

Psychopathic Shampoo is the Dr. Hannibal Lecter or the hair washing world. After you’ve purchased a £350 bottle, clamber into your shower as normal (i.e. with no clothes on and reading to sing ABBA hits).

Please note, with this product your shower MUST be COLD.

The shampoo CANNOT and MUST NOT be used in a warm shower otherwise it’ll be a more pleasant experience. The use of this product is entirely for misery and suffering. As such, one you are shivering under the cold shower:

• Empty the contents of the shampoo onto your skull.
• Grimace at the rancid stench around you.
• Wail out in horror at the horribleness of it all.
• Massage the shampoo into your scalp.

A strong tingling sensation will then commence. Don’t panic—this is merely the product clinging to your hair like a demented ferret. Through a mixture of nasty chemicals, the liquid goop seeps through your skull, into your brains, and implants Psychopathic Shampoo propaganda into your grey matter.

As you clamber out of the shower cold and miserable, shivering like nobody’s business, you’ll feel clean… yet also sterile, devoid of life, and having lost your vitality.

Congratulations! You’re now a slave to the Axe Wielding Maniac Enterprises Corporation Ltd. brand. You’re a shampoo zombie. Brainwashed (literally).

You’ll never buy any type of other shampoo again! Even though you really, really, really hate this product. This is the POWER of (probably illegal) marketing.

Health & Safety Disclaimer for Psychopathic Shampoo

Consumers  are advised to avoid using Axe Wielding Maniac Enterprises Corporation Ltd.’s Psychopathic Shampoo as it is a product known to cause brain rot, hypothermia, and chronic flatulence (if consumed). Please do not consume this product. It causes the, aforementioned, chronic flatulence and will likely induce kidney failure into the bargain.

Although every care has been taken to remove bones from this product, some bones may remain in the product. The lost souls of forlorn ghosts may also linger within certain bottles of Psychopathic Shampoo.

May contain nuts (as product is packaged in an environment with nuts, as are 99.99% of all of the world’s products these days to be fair so nothing too out of the ordinary here).

Product may also contain:

• Brain splatter
• Missing fingers
• Cheese
• Haggis
• Eyeballs

Axe Wielding Maniac Enterprises Corporation Ltd. waives all legal responsibilities in the event a consumer dislikes any of the above. Complaints must be forwarded to the nearest registered lunatic asylum for processing.