Book clubs are a popular social event for people whom enjoy reading books. However, that boring and stale practice has been REVITALISED by The Stolen Book Club. The premise is simple:

• Attend the book club (Wednesday’s at 8:01pm sharp)
• Have your stolen books to hand

The club is about examining all the books you’ve stolen during the week, how you did it, and that’s wrapped up with a sophisticated discussion the (nabbed) literature. Yes, it’s theft and it’s illegal. That’s what makes this the most exciting book club in the world!

The Most Exciting Book Club in the World!!!

Whether you like books or not, you’re welcome here. This is because we don’t really do much reading, it’s more of a kleptomania thing. You just:

• Steal books during the week
  • Shops that sell literature are a prime target for this, as opposed to (for example) video game shops or shoe shops
• Do a runner
  • Don’t get caught (naturally)
• Dutifully attend The Stolen Book Club (Wednesday’s at 8:01pm sharp)

When attending, please ensure you’re not being chased by the police and/or a private investigator. Otherwise this’ll ruin is because we have 37,541 stolen works of literature on the premises and that’d land us in a whole heap of bother.

Plus, we’d try and frame you for liability because you’re the ones holding the texts!

As such, we’d like to indicate we waive all legal responsibility for your attendance at this book club. We also demand you only discuss a novel (fiction or non-fiction) using harsh profanity and unnecessarily caustic putdowns. This unpleasant, toxic atmosphere will put you in a nasty mood and make you go out after and steal, steal, steal!

Tips for Stealing Books (Legally… Okay, Not Really it’s Still Illegal)

The best way to steal books is simply to run into a bookstore, grab a handful, and leg it one.

However, if you wish to be more subtle with your approach you may wish to consider alternative tactics to petty theft. These strategies include, but aren’t limited to:

• Hiring a hitman to do it for you
• Hiring some local hoodlum youths to do it for you
• Buying loads of those free ebooks from unknown authors on Amazon
• Not stealing any at all like a wuss (do note, if you choose this tactic YOU ARE NOT welcome to The Stolen Book Club, you’ll just have to go to a normal one instead)

Please note, there’s a £50 entry fee on the for of the club each week.

You may also need to face additional charges from local law enforcement should they catch up with you, as petty theft can result in all manner of petty charges.