Some human males want to be manly and, thus, attend the gym 50 hours a week to have bulging biceps. However, for some human males THAT ISN’T MANLY ENOUGH.

As such, in 2025 a new manly macho man bloke trend is emerging—drunk gym sessions. This is where they drink beer, work out, and then have a fight with a fellow gym goer.

Baffled human females look on at this phenomenon and ask us at agony aunt questions. We shall endeavour to provide a beer-based resolution.

Drunk Gym Sessions and the Pursuit of the Ultimate Manly

Dear agony aunt,

My husband Jeff is part of this new craze of “Drunk Gym” sessions. This is where him and the lads go to the gym to pump iron and get ripped, all while drinking beer and behaving like lager louts. It just seems a bit odd to me. They’re there working out to “get fit”, but are downing pints like nobody’s business and then getting really aggressive with each other (after the whole “I bloody love you you’re my best mate you are” phase) and have punchups.

Why? Why is the man I married behaving like an idiot?

Don’t you worry, I asked him directly. I screamed into his face when he was hungover one morning, “JEFF! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THESE DRUNK GYM SESSIONS!? HUH!? ANSWER MEEeeeeeEEE!!!!” Playing it cool, as you can see, and gaining the upper hand by keeping my emotions in check.

Well, he just flipped the bird at me, headed to the bathroom, clogged the toilet, had a shower, headed off to work, and that night he was pumping iron and necking pints again. 13th night in a row…

It’s like that film Fight Club with Brad Pitt, but I guess you’d call it Pint Club and it’d be Brad Pint in the leading role.

I said that to him and he’s stolen the name and now “the lads” all go to Pint Club to work out, drink heavily, and beat each other up. They’ve been banned from two gyms so far and now plan to start their own Pint Club and there’ll be rules:

1. You don’t talk about Pint Club
2. You DON’T talk about Pint Club

However, because they’re half pissed all the time they, inevitably, end up talking about Pint Club to anyone who’ll pay attention to them. Often just grabbing random people in the street to boast about Pint Club and show off all their bruises.

My husband has two black eyes, a bunch of broken teeth, a dislocated shoulder, and a stubbed big toe (right foot). He’s really proud of them all and refuses to get medical assistance. Work asked him why he’s turning up with a dislocated shoulder and he just told them, “Pint Club”.

Well, they now think he’s a raging alcoholic and have him on a disciplinary hearing until he sorts his act out.

What in the name of crap bags did I marry!? Please help!

Yours, Jess

Hi there, Jessica. It’s apparent to us your husband is attempting to get fit, whilst also getting unfit and being unhealthy. This is paradoxical behaviour, like brushing your teeth whilst smashing your face with a hammer.

But it’s important to remember that alcohol and exercise DON’T mix. It’s like drinking wine with gin—not a good combo. A mental one, in fact!

Whilst it’s tempting to approach the matter again without judgment (i.e. with empathy and understanding), we think this dipshit is far beyond any reason. Refuse to acknowledge your husband can make his own choices, instead do the one thing that’ll annoy the hell out of him.

Nag.

Nag the son of a bitch day in, day out, and especially whilst he’s hungover. The incessant nagging will make Pint Club seem like a massive inconvenience.

Eventually, he’ll give up and take to drinking beer on he couch until he has a lovely, homely beer belly you can snuggle up to (in between bouts of his putrid belching). Enjoy!