Hi there, Professional Moron’s editor Mr. Wapojif here. This is me adopting my very best smarmy corporate speak patronising tone, which I’m mistakenly believing comes across as trustworthy, warm, and welcoming.

As you know, we run a weekly sponsored post on Professional Moron.

The income these advertisements bring in is used to pay me and keep the site COMPLETELY FREE (as opposed to partially free). Rest assured, Professional Moron will ALWAYS be free to our readers and NEVER behind a paywall. As the long-term editor of this platform, I can assure you I have NO intentions of charging a fee* for the superb content our team puts out.

We’re an INDEPENDENT platform offering family-friendly advice on love, life, work, and cheese. And that’s the way it’ll ALWAYS brie (be). 🧀

*NB: As we closed for press, Mr. Wapojif can, regrettably, confirm he was approached by a high paying publisher with regards to putting our content behind a £50 paywall with extra advertising materials (i.e. videos you can’t skip, double stacked).

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ADVERTISEMENT: Cripes Almighty—Today’s Sponsor of Our Sponsored Post Explainer

At Professional Moron, we like to live a healthy lifestyle of cheap coffee and ultra-processed foods. Sadly, due to our commitment to working harder than hard as hard-right leaning Conservatives, we often don’t have the time to cook food that won’t give us type 2 diabetes.

That’s why we’ve turned to the canned food range by BRITISH FIRST food manufacturer Cripes Almighty, who stock a superb range of high salt, high sugar, high everything foods. Including, but not limited to:

• Canned instant noodles in cheese with sugar
• Canned rice pudding in noodles and cheese with sugar
• Canned cheese in noodles with haggis and sugar
• Canned white bread with noodles and haggis with sugar

After spending the last week consuming only the above produce, we’re proud to confirm our latest office apprentice has developed jaundice. His yellow theme is very on brand and, after careful consideration, we’ve decided not to give him a pay rise.

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Professional Moron the Influencer

As we’re now under new management, there’s pressure mounting on myself, the esteemed editor Mr. Wapojif, to bring more “eyeballs” onto the content the team creates.

This means I must be an influencer. To achieve my goal, I have today:

1. Posted 135 selfies of myself prostrated over furniture whilst pouting.
   1. Please note, this is merely me expressing myself through empowerment and is not at all a demonstration of considerable insecurity and/or tedious self-absorption.
2. Joined TikTok and uploaded 13 dance routines.
3. Taken an online course in clickbait sensationalism to drive up user engagement.

With the above in mind, and my status as an influencer rising every second, I encourage readers to send us endless reams of money you probably don’t have.

I’m in desperate need. OH GOD! Unless you send me at least £100 ($200) then I may have to upload a video to TikTok of me weeping sad tears of despair!

Anyway, the below is what’s planned for Professional Moron going forward. In short:

• Total abandonment of our former satirical standing in favour of increasingly loud and annoying content that will come across as desperate, irritating, and begin with a shouted “HI GUYS!” of borderline hysteria.
• Mr. Wapojif (me) to become much more “IN YOUR FACE”, which basically means you’ll be sick of the sight of me by June 2025.
• £50 per post.
• BECOME A SUPER SUBSCRIBER! Pay £1,000 upfront and you’ll get EVERY SINGLE post 60 seconds earlier than the working class scumbags who can’t afford it!

Please send us cash. PayPal is fine.