This is our haiku Friday feature. It isn’t Friday at all, far from it, but we wanted to do some cat haiku, we’re impatient, thus we’re doing this on Tuesday instead.

The Purrfect World of Cat Haiku

The following are some of the most beautiful cat-based haiku you’ll ever read. Be prepared to shed a tear or two, stare wistfully into the middle-distance, and hushedly whisper, “This poetry is awful…”

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Me-ow

My cat likes to go “meow”,
But I prefer to say “ciao”,
Then I go “ow” (the cat bit me).

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Excessive Cat Hunger

Oh my god the cat is always hungry,
I’ll just have to put it bluntly,
I’m going to move country.

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Ignoring the Cat Bed

I spent a lot of many on a cat bed,
But the cat only wants to sleep in the shed,
Plus my cat thinks I’m a dickhead.

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Knocking Stuff Over

Today my cat knocked over a vase,
Then she attacked me with her claws,
Even though there was no probable cause.

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Watching Films With My Cat

Due to my cat attacking me with her claws,
I decided to watch the film Jaws,
But then she assaulted me with her claws.

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Trying to Get the Cat Arrested for Assault

All these attacks made me call the police,
I told them to rush here and restore the peace,
In the end they just sent some geese.

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Sitting in Some Boxes

My cat really loves cardboard boxes,
But she is afraid of mean old foxes,
So I want and bought her 150 more boxes (and a taser gun to stun the bloody fox).

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Zoomies

The cat is currently zooming around the house,
To make matters worse I think I have louse,
Which I got after buying a second hand blouse.

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Purring

My cat’s purring is very loud,
It makes me very proud,
So I had a cheese sandwich for lunch. It was nice.

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Drinking From a Running Tap

The cat is drinking from the tap,
She woke me from my nap,
This may have a negative impact on my water bill.

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Building a Statue to Honour Cats

In our town we have a giant cat statue,
We worship it daily with fail,
Many of us will probably end up in jail.

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All Hail Our Cat Overlords

Our society places cats in full control,
To be honest it’s not been bit rock and roll,
Most of them just curl up into a ball (and refuse to serve our society how dare they).