Due to the horrors of WOKE diversity and inclusivity agendas, it has become popular in the world of business to have an enforced Bring Your Sledgehammer to Work Day.

Officially, this day is on 23rd May annually, but it can also take place on any arbitrary day as is necessary.

Whilst this day may seem trivial and even dangerous, it’s your duty of care as an employer to go ahead with the days and allow employees to attend work whilst wielding heavy-duty hammers traditionally used for breaking rocks. In this guide, we explore how to minimise the volatile incidents during these days.

The Legislation Behind Bring Your Sledgehammer to Work Days

The Bring Your Sledgehammer to Work Act 1974 is the Act that regulates this matter. Although bringing sledgehammers into work only began as a trend in 2024, due to a typo when creating the, aforementioned, Act it is now permanently etched into law as 1974.

This is even though, ironically, that sledgehammers were banned from workplaces in 1974. The individual responsible for the typo is now serving 135 years of hard labour in a fast food restaurant in Skegness.

Section 135 (a) into (z) of said Act states:

“During one of the enforced days, your employees may bring up to two (but no more) sledgehammers into the working environment. The equipment should only be used for show. They should not, under international law, use the equipment for any form of sledgehammering activities.”

As such, be sure to make it clear to your employees they may bring the equipment in, but must not start:

• Swinging it around their head with wild abandon
• Attack other employees with it
• Break down doorways
• Use it to seek revenge on anyone whom ever stole their lunch

Additionally, it’s your duty of care as an employer to protect the various rocks in and around your premises. Due to the WOKE legislation The Rocks at Work Act 1974, it’s illegal to destroy rocks without a permit. To obtain a permit, you must fill out 13 forms and pay a £130,000 application fee. If successful, you must then pay a further £150,000 as acknowledgement of successfully obtaining the permit, as per the demands of section 137 (a) on page 1,341 of said Act.

It is due to the financial expectations of The Rocks at Work Act 1974 that many employers choose to wing it one regarding any rock smashing incidents.

Preparing for Sledgehammers at Work Day

To prepare for this most special of all annual working days, put posters up on walls and send out a company-wide email denoting the day is impending.

Do so at least a week before the big day to allow one and all to mentally prepare for what is ahead.

Itinerary of Events During the Sledgehammers at Work Day

On the day itself, your employees will arrive with much anticipation and excitement for the day ahead. Some will bring their own equipment into the workplace. However, others may not have access to the, aforementioned, equipment.

As such, it’s good business practice, and your duty of care as an employer, to provide sledgehammers to all members of staff.

Once everyone has access to this equipment, the working day can commence as normal—other than that employees will go about their various duties, whatever they may be, whilst lugging a giant hammer around with them. Whether that may be when taking a:

• Smoking break
• Toilet break
• Lunch break
• Meeting
• Emotional breakdown

Do note, some of your employees may also procrastinate, quiet quit, and/or skive during working hours as they’re no good bastard commies!

If this is the case, as you suspect, encourage your more diligent employees to threaten the no good time wasters. As it’s sledgehammers at work day, they’re ideally equipped with implements to insist with their threatening endeavours.

Otherwise, the itinerary of events is to proceed with business as usual (BAU). Unless, that is, a member of staff decides to aggressively hobble one, or more, colleagues.

Employment Laws Regarding Aggressive Hobbling in the Workplace

As this is, sadly, no longer the Victorian era, it’s your duty of care as an employer to prevent hobbling to members of staff. This is also good for productivity, as a hobbled employee is an unproductive employee.

However, a rogue employee may go on a “rampage” or “one off” hobbling session.

If this occurs, it’s good business practice to do something about it. As in, prevent the sledgehammer hobblings. To do this, you may wish to deploy a tactic such as:

1. Asking the rampaging employee to stop, forthwith, with their actions
2. Threaten to proceed with disciplinary action should the rampage continue
3. Taser the bastard to the floor

The third step is a last resort, but may prove useful in the event the employee in question is out of their mind.

However, we should note all of the above are merely precautions. Normally, in most case, sledgehammers at work days are a joyous occasion filled with braying laughter, merriment, and only the occasional shattered limb.