When you own a cat, any dreams of developing your home into a graceful interior design haven are now long gone. Art Deco? Classic Hamptons? French Country? No chance, sonny Jim!
You own a cat, so whatever you choose will inevitably be ruined by cardboard boxes and your cat’s destructive ways!
BUT FEAR NOT! Your homelife isn’t in total ruin (just yet), for at CardBoard we specialise in interior design for cat owners. Stop sobbing helplessly and contact us immediately to make your home liveable again!
Cat-Based Interior Design for a Liveable Home at “Competitive” Prices
You know the score. You get home from work and your cat has demolished the:
- Sofa
- Curtains
- Rug
- Carpet
- Ceiling fan
- Indomitable spirit you once had
In horror, you drop to your knees with your head in your hands. You shout out to the interior design Gods:
“WHY!? WHY CANNOT I HAVE AN INTERIOR DESIGN THAT BE BEHOLDEN TO MINE GOOD SELF?!”
To add insult to injury, your cat then mauls you in a temper tantrum and you have to go to hospital and spend the next three months on an intensive care ward.
Your life appears to be in ruins. Or is it!?
Well, the good news is the team at CardBoard are here to help… you! And our other customers as well, of course, but as this is capitalism we’re going to put on this façade where we actually give a damn about your situation instead of just wanting your cold, hard cash.
How CardBoard Transforms Your Home
Furballs all over your carpet? Cat poo on your sofa? Shredded sofa fluff all over the place? Fret yee not, amigos, for we have all manner of cardboard boxes to block out such unsightly views:
- Big ones
- Small ones
- Rectangle ones
- Little bitty ones the size of a can of baked beans
- Massive great big bastard ones that dominated a quarter of any given room
Stocked up on these, you embrace the lifestyle that is—cardboard interior design.
It’s not en vogue yet, but we keep hassling Brad Pitt to take up the style and that’s a guaranteed way to get CardBoard on the map. That’s why we reached out to the famous female singer to get her to endorse our brand!
Brad Pitt Endorses CardBoard
“Hi there! This is Brad Pitt, famous Hollywood woman actress from films such as Gone With the Wind, Jurassic Park, and Led Zeppelin. When not busy singing and strutting my lovely stuff about the place, I’m earning side hustle income by supporting amazeballs brands such as CardBoard.
If you have a cat and your home has been partially destroyed by the little monster, then you need to slake its destructive urges with much more cardboard! I myself have many cats and have many boxes of cardboard about the place to! Thus, is gets my ringing endorsement!
While you’re here, also make sure to buy my latest shampoo! It’s called Formula 1 and is an amazing formula, although may leave residual second-degree burns across your skull due to a variety of illegal chemicals!”
There we go! Impressed?! You should be! Contact us today and we’ll be at your property before you can say, “My cat is mauling my face off!”
Disclaimer: This advertisement claims to use an endorsement from Brad Pitt. We are legally obliged to inform you the actress and shampoo maker in question was not available to endorse our product, as such we invented a quote and hope she will never find out about it. Please keep it quiet.
