Tired of having the world’s governments monitoring your Netfflix and YouTube streaming preferences? Sick to death that billionaires know you’ve watched James Cameron’s Titanic 135 times and you’re not done yet!?

Then YOU need Violent VPN!

With this installed on your workplace computer, even your MANAGERS won’t know you’ve been watching movies instead of doing any work! But if they do find out!? That’s when it gets violent.

Violent VPN: Because Your Privacy Deserves Defencing (Aggressively)

Violent VPN is available to SMEs at the competitive pricing models listed below:

• Free Violence: Spent £135 and you’ll have FULL access to our free model—ideal for startups and shady businesses with lots to hide! With this package, you get the VPN and aggressive sound clips such as “DIE, YOU BASTARD!” sound out periodically.
• Paid Violence: For only £1,000 per month, you’ll get FULL access to our free model, the paid model, sound clips, and out core USP! That’s the burly big bloke who’ll come down to your premises and punch stuff for you.
• Premium Violence: At a competitive £30,000 per annum, you get all mod con features and much, much more! With the premium package, we offer 24/7 customer support and the burly big bloke will pop in regularly for a builder’s brew and a chinwag.

Three packages all offering privacy and violence for your business. It does not get any better than that!

About Our Burly Big Bloke and Enforcing Violent VPN Policies

We hire a squadron of 100 burley big blokes (BBBs) to take care of various VPN issues that need extreme violence to resolve. They’re all trained in hand-t0-hand combat and can also operate a bazooka.

All BBBs are flown in via helicopter to various destinations. Please note, each flight costs between £20,000-£50,000 and the bill will be added to your monthly subscription fee for each flight.

Customer Testimonials: Discover a World of Privacy and Punches

“Got the premium model and 30 minutes later the burly big bloke (real name Todd) turned up and proceeded to drink several coffees from my business’ stash! I asked him to stop, but he refused, and also threatened to punch me. After I backed down he then sat in the office all day having a nap. The VPN works okay, but Todd only needed to get violent when the pizza delivery guy turned up late for our Friday afternoon perk. Todd punched the driver and now our business is facing legal threats from the pizza takeaway place. Not satisfied!” John, CEO of We Exist to Make Money Okay?

“The VPN stopped worked so I rang customer service. They sent 17 of their big blokes down by mistakes instead of a technician. When I asked them what was going on they helped themselves to my office’s free coffee and then left 2 hours later. They clogged two of the office toilets! VPN is still broken! I am NOT satisfied with this service!” Jane, Director of Buy Our Stuff You Bastards

“Tried out the ‘free’ package, even though it costs £135 (that means it isn’t free you stupid pricks!). Woeful! Every time you turn the VPN on it plays YMCA by The Village People and the song doesn’t stop until you turn the VPN off. I guess that’s a tactic to make you buy the more expensive packages? Whatever, it didn’t work I uninstalled the VPN and demanded a refund. 30 minutes later a helicopter arrived and this massive bald bloke got out and threatened to beat me up. I’m not a happily paying PREMIUM customer and couldn’t be happy! This is the best VPN in the world!” Jeff, Marketing Manager at You Stupid Consumerist Wanker