Part cat, part robot hybrid The Susanator is on hand to TERMINATE all before it! Hire today from prices as low as a single packet of cat food, this unstoppable monster will DESTROY your enemies and do so while purring and preening.

Termination Services Ltd. With The Susanator

The Susanator is to 2025 what The Terminator was to 2025. Our patented cat/monster/robot can’t time travel, but it can still go on an insane killing spree thanks to our tech bro pre-programming.

• Designation: Cybernetic organism. Living tissue over a metal endoskeleton (mostly just fluff over a very sturdy ego).
• Primary Mission: To protect the food supply and ensure naps by the fire are met at a daily quota (also, to destroy all of society).
• Catchphrases:
  • “I’ll need your catnip, your chair, and your cardboard boxes.”
  • “I won’t be back. Because I’m going for a nap.”
  • “Come with me if you want to nap.”

This monstrosity is armed with standard feline offenses alongside a pair of sunglasses that can shoot laser beams and detect a treat from 130 miles away.

It doesn’t feel pity. It doesn’t feel pain. It wants to take a lot of naps. And it’s a menace to society at the BARGAIN BIN PRICES of £500 per time travel slaughterfest.

The Susanator: Technical Specifications

So terrifying is The Susanator that it was named The Most Terrifying Cat-Based Terminator Machine 2025 at the 2025 Terminator Technology Awards held in Bolton of Greater Manchester. That’s all thanks to these tech specs:

• Optics Dual-Mode: Greeble detection and obsessing over things that don’t seem to be there.
• Audio Selective hearing: Can hear a treat opening from three rooms away, but ignores everything else.
• Definitely Hungry Mode: The Susanator is DEFINITELY still hungry, despite having eaten an hour ago and definitely not being hungry at all anymore.
• Armour: Self-grooming Kevlar-grade fur.
• Power source: 22 hours of sleep followed by two hours of zoomies.

The Susanator’s Mission Log

• MISSION LOG: 001 | THE SUSANATOR
• DATE: 22/12/2025
• LOCATION: Sector 7-B (The Living Room)
• OBJECTIVE: Eliminate Threat of Empty Bowl

0430 HOURS: SYSTEM BOOT-UP

• Internal reactors initialised.
• Initiated Protocol: Night Vision. Scanning the dark hallway for inter-dimensional anomalies only visible to feline-class cyborgs. Result?! Three Greebles neutralised via high-speed parkour off the hallway walls. The humans were bemused.

0615 HOURS: THE HUNGER PROTOCOL

• Target: Large Food-Dispensing Unit (LFDU) (aka The Human)
• Status: Target is trying to work
• Tactical Manoeuvre: Lead Paw. I placed 4.5kg of cybernetic weight directly onto the LFDU’s face.
• Secondary Manoeuvre: Initiated high-frequency Tactical Meows for attention.
• Mission Success: LFDU activated. Kibble levels restored to 100%. I ate three pieces and walked away. Power move.

0900 HOURS: THERMAL UPTAKE

• Located a localised heat signature on the carpet (living room fire)
• Initiated Low-Power Mode
• Mission Note: I am nearly invisible to the naked eye. Bwahahaha!

1600 HOURS: NAP

• Conducted a gravity defying nap at bizarre angle.
• Observation: Gravity is still functional. Bested bizarre angle and managed to sleep, despite owner’s bemusement.
• Result: Nap successful.

1900 HOURS: PERIMETER SECURITY

• Initiated The Staredown from a window.
• The intruder (bird) fled immediately. My reputation is safe. I am terrifyig.

2100 HOURS: SYSTEM RECHARGE (NAP 2)

• Returning to charging dock (next to fire)
• Initiated The Purr-Generator. The vibrations will lull the LFDU into a false sense of security while I download the latest firmware for 3 AM zoomies.

MISSION STATUS: SUCCESSFUL

CURRENT THREAT LEVEL: LOW (UNTIL BOTTOM OF BOWL IS VISIBLE)

I’ll be back… for a nap

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Movie Poster: The Susanator

Getting ahead of ourselves, we also used Gemini AI to generate a movie poster parody of The Terminator franchise.

Normally we never use AI for this stuff… but, it’s Christmas! And what the hey. This should be a movie, our cat Susan should star in it, and the budget should be $500 million.