Welcome to Jeff’s Fish & Ships shop! We’re a traditional chippy, plus there’s a side hustle out back selling second-hand ships! We’ve got ’em all, from tankers to container ships, bulk carriers, and landing crafts, at Jeff’s it’s not a case of “Do you want gravy with that, luv?” It’s do you want a BULK CARRIER with those chips, luv?!

Jeff’s Fish, Ships, Gravy, and Cargo Ships With Intermodal Containers

Our prices are super competitive (factoring in the inevitable cost of living surge caused by Conservative megalomaniacs). No matter how skint you are, you can eat here! Here’s our menu:

• Fish & ships*: £20
• Fish, ships, and gravy: £25
• Gravy: £10
• Vinegar: £5
• Mushy peas: £7
• Curry sauce: £7.01
• Chip barn: £10
• Fizzy drinks: £10 a can

Once you’ve eaten and contributed to your inevitable surge toward type II diabetes, that’s when you can turn your attention to our AMAZING second-hand ship selection!

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*Legal Disclaimer: Please note, the “fish & ships” meals include deep fried fish alongside scraps of ship metal. Please note, we DO NOT sell “chips” at this chippy establishment. Only chunks of metal. Some of these chunks will be small and look a bit like a chip (especially if you’re drunk), otherwise it’s just plain old fish and tankers here at Jeff’s.

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Want a TANKER with that, mate?

At Jeff’s, we take GREAT pride in serving only the finest low-quality fish that’s probably past its sell by date. Some of it is scooped out of the local canal after its found floating there, others we steal from local supermarkets.

Rest assured, we have food quality standards in place and we sometimes pay attention to them.

If you feel the agony of food poisoning kicking in, let Jeff’s staff know and we’ll sound off one of the tanker horns. They’re goddamn deafening! That’ll take your mind off the misery ahead.

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Customer Food Feedback

“went in for fish and chips and they didnt have chips and the fish smelt funny. asked for me money back and they drowned out me demands with tanker honking horns. bastards” Clive from Burnley

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“Feeling somewhat peckish, one meandered into this establishment. One did not expect much from a so-called ‘chippy’, but hunger demands to be slaked and, thus, one ordered Fish, Ships, & Gravy. Upon attempting to consume the, aforementioned, meal one was struck by a sharp metallic feeling penetrating deep into one’s skull. Upon closer inspection one observed debris from a container ship had pilloried directly up into one’s cranium and blood was profusely rushing out of mine very being. One rang for an ambulance and hope for the best.” Rupert from Ramsbottom

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“i donut like sushee me its DESGESTING. why would i wanna eat ROAR FISH? them russians make me SICK. donut ATE HEAR!” Laura from Bury

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“I went in after a lads’ night out and ordered five items. The bill came to £110, which seems a bit steep for some low-quality fried fish and chunks of scrap metal. Wasn’t impressed! Plus, the metal severed my innards, requiring an immediate intensive care visit that lasted for several months. Best avoided.” Jimmy from Chorley