Real Estate Bastards Enterprises Ltd. is PROUD to unveil The Bread Bin, one of our most unique and hottest properties on the 2026 market.

Conveniently located near to the kettle and toaster, this minimalistic studio bread bin (breadbox) has enough room for a small person to get both feet into. As this is a standing only property to let, you must be able to withstand long periods of your downtime with limited mobility. Viewings commence from today! Please note, no free bread is included with this property.

Home is Where the Hovis Is

• Only £1,600 p/m
• BILLS NOT INCLUDED
• BREAD NOT INCLUDED WITH PROPERTY
• Applicants must submit to a criminal background check
• Open-plan living
• Eco-friendly living with no electricity, plumbing, or anything else
• Suitable for a very small sort of person

Ideally, the landlord* is looking for a quiet and sedate kind of person to rent their bread bin. You will be living within the landlord’s home, so must respect their daily routine and stay quiet day and night.

The bread bin is located on the kitchen counter in the kitchen, so you’ll need to scale the kitchen counter and then stand within the bread bin during your downtime (after work, weekends etc.).

You’re not permitted to use the landlord’s kitchen, bathroom, or living room. For all your daily bodily fluid needs, you’re free to use the bread bin as long as you clean it up afterwards. Any tenant whom does not clean up after themselves will have their £1,000 deposit INSTANTLY deducted and spent on cleaning up the mess.

*Please note, the landlord reserves the right to toast the tenant without any given notice.

About the Property: Minimalism is the Yeast of Your Concerns

Share the property with a wide range of multi-generational neighbours, mainly in the form of Drosophila (better known as fruit flies). You’ll also spend time with the occasional:

• Silverfish
• Woodlouse
• Mouse

Please note, should you be approached by any rats you can either scream hysterically and do a runner and/or tackle the rat with a frying pan. Other desirables, as part of our tenant vetting process, includes enthusiasts of:

• Brown bread
• Sourdough
• Rye bread
• Wraps
• Pitta

Any tenant with a preference for white bread shall be whipped off the premises (with a whip). The landlord is a seeking an adult, not a child with a penchant for drooling and eating candy.

Viewings of The Bread Bin commence today (26/01/2026). It’s an open attendance event and many prospective tenants will be poking around the breadbin. Please note, the landlord has agreed to offer free bread roll upon entrance but kindly asks you refrain from eating it until out of the building.