Trauma for Trade (TfT) is the pre-eminent psychological distress data analyser on the global market. Buy, sell, and trade users’ vivid suffering (anxiety, depression, stress, PTSD, mania etc.) on an open market to create an international synergy in Authentic Character Development (ACD).
Whether you’re a big business ego, insufferable tech bro, psychopathic billionaire, or songwriter who’s run out of ideas, TfT is the place to touch base with MANKIND, circle back with your alignment, then leverage your disruptive marketplace vision with synergy-based delineation and scalable long-hanging fruit bandwidth.
TfT – Distress as a Data Point Initiator to Supercharge Your Bottom Line Through Dynamic Synergisation
Some entrepreneurs called our product too called our product too confusing and convoluted. It isn’t too confusing and convoluted, they (and you) are just stupid. Here’s a message from our obnoxious CEO, Derek “The Dickhead” Barnaby III:
“Trading people’s emotional distress is a fantastic business concept! Think of how much better everything in the world will be when fuelled by genuine human emotions! Every moment, every word of dialogue, stolen from some poor sap who sold their memories for $10 so they could pay their rent arrears, all so your business can understand that person’s deranged mindset so you can profit off of it! That is not confusing! It is just common sense!”
The concept is so simple even a simpleton can understand it:
- On the open market Trauma for Trade market, the public sell their trauma to our data centres
- The data is processed, categories, ordered, and put up for sale online
- Businesses but that trauma data to make more granular, sensible, data-driven decisions
- WE GET STINKING GODDAMN RICH AND OUR CEO CAN BUY A SECOND SUPERYACHT BECAUSE HE JUST WORKED HARDER THAN EVERYONE ELSE
Everyone wins! Members of the public can make $10 a go by divulging their worst life experiences with us, while your business spends $50 per databank need.
SUPERCHARGE YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR BANKS
Want to get the lowdown on the most perverse of all users? You need the Super Mega Premium Access Package (SMPAP) to mine the mindsets of:
- Perverts
- Weirdos
- Social outcasts
- Alcoholics
- Furries
- Axe-wielding maniacs
With all that additional knowledge, there’s no stopping your business. You’ll go from strength to strength! As the old saying goes—trauma isn’t trauma until it’s profitable.
100% Authentic (Genuinely Not Made Up By Us) Customer Testimonials
“I run a small independent restaurant in Manchester city centre called FuckYourCelery. Customers weren’t impressed with my vegan food, so I turned to Trauma for Trade’s vast databank and sourced the customer mindset of 179 classified psychopaths. Suitably inspired, I TRANSFORMED the menu into a dynamic Cereal Killer concept of vegan food hybrid meat-based products. The look of pure horror of customers trying to choose from dishes like Haggis & Gravy With Strawberries Rabies Bastard and Cheese With Dead Rat Soup was the most diabolically thrilling moment of my life. They reported me to the police. Woke bastards.” Kev in Manchester
“My vaping store was failing. Panic-stricken, I turned to tFt for help brainwashing a new sect of the market. With their data package included convicted murderers, kidnapping victims, and those with severe halitosis, I was able to corner a lucrative sect of the market—gym managers! Worked a treat, who’d have thought it!? They lapped it up, became addicts, and saved my business! AHAHAHAHAHAAAaaa!” Jane in Skegness
“Mitä vittua!?!? HE MYIVÄT MINULLE VALHEEN!!!! Mitä dataa tämä on? Myyn kenkiä työkseni, enkä halua kauhistuttaa kansakuntaa! TÄMÄ ON PASKAA! ANNA MINULLE RAHANI TAKAISIN!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬” Mika from Jyväskylä
“Subscribed to the premium package. They sent me the brain data of a deranged 24 year old who collects stamps and once got punched by a football hooligan. This trauma did not translate into stronger sales for my barbershop… what a waste of money!” Jeff in Newcastle
