If you’re a fan of mouth-watering pizza, then you need to experience the endless joys of eating at Peat-zza Shack! All of our pizza is made from peat, the accumulation of partially decayed plant matter and organic materials that build up into waterlogged, acidic, and low-oxygen wetland environments such as peatlands, bogs, moors, mires, and muskegs.
We’re all in agreement nothing is as appetising as the putrid reek of waterlogged bogs, which is why YOU and YOUR family need to mosey on down to Peat-zza Shack to munch on our deranged range of weird foodstuffs.
🍕 The Peat-zza Shack Menu: Buy ONE Peat-zza, Get ONE Peat-zza Peat Free! 🍕
Boy, have we got an amazing menu for you and your family! Check out this staggering range of mouth-watering peat-zza combinations that’ll have your mouth watering:
- Decayed vegetation
- Organic matter
- Bog and peat
- Swamp and spinach
- Pocosin and pineapple
- Sediment and anchovy
- Moss and Margherita
- Cheese and decayed vegetation
- Bog and cheese
- Cheese and bog
- Bog and pineapple (with cheese)
All of our pizzas are available in the following sizes:
- 1″
- 2″
- 3″
- 4″
- 5″
- 6″
- 7″
- 8″
- 9″
- 10″
- 11″
- 12″
All of our ingredients are freshly sourced from the Yorkshire moorlands, we personally dig up the decayed vegetation using 100% British spades, and our experienced chefs handcraft each pizza using their 100% British hands. As you chew down on that mud, rest assured you’re doing so as a British patriot!
About Our Deliveries
Yes, dummy, we offer deliveries! Of course… stop bloody asking us if we do or not! We’re a pizza establishment, of course we’re going to do deliveries…/
Our delivery driver, 18 year old Kevin, has a track record of hit and runs! He’s brilliant at his job and guarantees peat-zza will be delivered to your door in somewhat orderly fashion (please note, should the foodstuff arrive upside down we, tragically, don’t offer refunds). This is a quote from Kevin:
“All right? I do the deliveries. I do ’em dead good. Sorry if I run over your mailbox when I do it’s just sometimes I just can’t be arsed, you know?”
Fantastic stuff! Kevin has been with us for six months and is down to the final point on his driver’s license. Keep ordering from us so he gets banned from driving, then we finally have a legal reason to sack him without it resulting in an unfair dismissal claim!
FAQs
Here are some answers to questions you plebs keep asking us.
Do you do deliveries?
YES FFS STOP ASKING US WE ALREADY ANSWERED THIS LEARN TO READ!!
What is peat-zza?
It is pizza made from peat.
I ate some of your food and it was disgusting, can I get a refund?
Tragically, we don’t offer refunds at this moment in time. We are in discussions with ourselves to consider offering refunds, but negotiations are ongoing and may take many years.
Your food clogged my innards, can I sue you?
No, you may not. All of our peat is 100% British, 100% organic, and 100% legally obtained from Yorkshire moorlands. It is the finest quality bog matter, if your bowels are incapable of handling it then that’s your problem.
