Introducing the legendary hammock! According to Flying Spaghetti Monster history, the hammock was invented by Mr. and Mrs. Hammock in 1066 at the Battle of Hastings.
Many eyewitnesses observed that Mrs. Hammock had suggested, “T’would be pleasant to watch this utter carnage with a distinct physically gravitational levity one could find endearing to a pleasant extreme.”
And so, tearing his shirt free from his muscular frame, the handsome Mr. Hammock dove into Hastings’ ocean and, whilst avoiding the sewage that had been freshly pumped into the seawater by the nearby sanitation works, he scaled a ship of the Noman-French invaders’ fleet.
With his bulging biceps, he shredded one of the main sails and returned to Mrs. Hammock triumphantly. “Behold!” he cried, “I shall fashion this cloth between this pile of rotting corpses, and to this here tree!” And thus the hammock was born.
Hammocks soon became the deathbed of choice for sailors stricken with scurvy during the Age of Discovery, but now they are more for lazy people on expensive holidays. Due to all of this, it is common knowledge that hammocks are really great. However, why should the hammock be limited to rope/cloth, I thought to myself?
There is an untapped market here! Do you know what else is really great? Spam. And lo, I have fashioned The Spammock – a hammock made entirely of spam! It’s in early production stages but I fail to see why this won’t be a massive hit.