Top 10 Best Sandwiches That Don’t Exist

Sandwiches are great. It’s a shame these ones don’t exist.

The title is a bit misleading here. It’s not necessarily just about the sandwich brands. I’m not saying their lack of inventiveness is making the sandwich market sterile, but I do think they should consider some new alternatives to shake up the sandwich industry.

Having stated that, there was one sandwich (sadly I have forgotten the brand) I had last year; Cheese and Spring Onion. This thing was the best sandwich I have had in a long time! Reminiscing of this got me in the creative mood, so I came up with a new list of amazing sandwiches you should try for your lunch/breakfast/dinner!

  1. Ham and Jam – Jam is very popular. Even miserable people like jam. And ham is well liked by most people (except vegetarians and pigs). It’s a winning combination that has never happened, a culinary tour de force few have tasted. Make it today!
  2. Bonjela – Plain and simple, everybody loves bonjela. Therefore it makes great sense that bonjela would be great as a sandwich. Spread liberally onto your bread and enjoy!
  3. Pot Noodle – Usually Pot Noodles are eaten out of their plastic tubs, but there is no reason why they can’t make a good sandwich. Cook as normal, but drain most of the liquid from the tub and then add to the finest, supermarket no-frills bargain brand baguette you can find.
  4. Marmite and Tuna – Marmite lovers will simply adore this creation! Slather with a large amount of marmite and add the tuna chunks! For an ever better kick, chuck in a fried egg and a dollop of horseradish.
  5. Marshmellows and Cheese – Marshmellows remind everyone of happy occasions, and cheese just about goes with everything ever. Mix the two together and you get one heck of a sandwich.
  6. Haggis and Taramasalta – A sheep’s heart, lungs, liver and kidneys boiled in its stomach with a tasty filling. Slap all this on bread and you have a feast of a sandwich.
  7. Sprouts and Baked Beans – Anyone in need of a hearty boost should try this concoction! Healthy and filling.
  8. Fish heads and Corned Beef Hash– Get to your nearest fish market and pick up some cheap fish heads, mix with hearty corned beef hash and you have a real winner.
  9. Wasabi and chicken nuggets– Sushi fans will simply love a slice of wholemeal bread crammed with spicy wasabi blocks. Guaranteed to put hair on your eyebrows. Add in your favourite brand of wholesome chicken nuggets for additional health “benefits”.
  10. Prunes, Figs and Mayonnaise – A real wake-up call in the morning! Make yourself popular in your household as this is guaranteed (by approximately 78%) to wake up the biggest sleepy head in your family.

(NB: These sandwich fillers have been observed to produce unpleasant side effects in some consumers. Symptoms may include; agitation, vomiting, anger, belligerence, and/or a refusal to let you ever make a sandwich for them again.)

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