Well it’s Easter so we figured we should do a sort of Easter thing. We’re very much in step with the times at Professional Moron. Come the Olympic Games expect all sorts of Exclusives and other rare interviews with whoever we can find. Not that we live in London anymore. We used to, but not anymore. London’s a bit… you know. Expensive. It’s not for us unless someone offers us a well paid job. And, as Professional Morons, we’d be more than happy to take any position thrown our way. Manager of Subway – the sandwich chain. What is it with those sandwiches? We love a good sandwich as our loyal readers know, but Subway sandwiches just aren’t sandwiches. Not proper ones, anyway. And in much the same way that Easter Eggs aren’t real eggs. In fact, they are as far removed from being eggs as a giraffe is to an elephant. And we’re not even sure that sentence makes any sense.
Hark! Regardless of such nonsense dribble it is time to impart our wisdom about Easter Eggs. Five (6) FACTS about these delicious chocolate objects.
6 – Easter Eggs aren’t made of chocolate – No, they’re made of mud!
5 – Easter Eggs should really be called “Delicious Chocolate Objects” – They’re not eggs. There’s nothing gestating inside of them and no tiny new life form will be emerging from it. Ever. As such Easter Eggs simply must be renamed Delicious Chocolate Objects. This will become law as of 2013 and anyone heard mentioning Easter Eggs will be pelted with Delicious Chocolate Objects until the wiser for it.
4 – Easter is a time for eating a lot of food – As if Christmas wasn’t enough, now it’s time for another opportunity to stuff our stupid faces with high fat foods. We’re pretty sure we all gained around 4 stone between us in the Professional Moron office over December 2011, and now we have to eat more chocolate. Will it ever end?
3 – Delicious Chocolate Objects go on sale in Supermarkets in November – Well it seems like that early. They really can’t wait to sling them up there, can they? Up they all go, the myriad of brands all shiny in their boxes as they tower above us in the local Netto or wherever you shop. These places must store them in a huge 20 acre warehouse all year long in the meantime, planning their devious plot for 2013 and beyond!
2 – The Easter Bunny? We aren’t really sure why the bunny rabbit was brought into the whole Easter story. If you’re religious then it’s a time for repentance and worship. If you’re not religious it’s a time to EAT and think about how stupid the Easter Bunny idea is. Why a rabbit? Why not a donkey? Or a ferret? Or a goat? The Easter Goat would work quite well wethinks. Okay so this wasn’t really a fact but if you delude yourself that it is a fact then it is one.
1 – The Easter Bunny is a psychopath – A rabbit that goes about wantonly handing out chocolate by first breaking into people’s houses? This rabbit has some serious issues and would be better off in a mental institute.