Killer Monsters: Are They Invading the Earth?

An invasion of flying monsters
Monsters!

It has come to our attention at Professional Moron that we may well be under attack. From who and from whom, you ask with the sincerity of a lobster that expects to be greeted by The Queen of England at its own Bisque making ceremony.

Instead… PLOP! Boiling water for you Mr. Lobster. Dang. But, and it’s a big but, we’re not on about lobsters today.

We’re on about the gargantuan monsters which are, apparently, going to invade the Earth at the end of this year for, you see, the Mayans predicted the end of the Earth in 2012!

The End of the Earth

Now when we look back at history nothing has actually killed anything off. Certain incidents have happened such as asteroids hitting the Earth to finish off the dinosaurs, yet it’s also considered that without asteroids the Earth’s oceans would never have formed.

But what exactly does that have to do with ruddy great big ruddy monsters? Well, you see, even if bad things happen to the Earth some form of life has a habit of rearing its stupid head. Look at donkeys.

Do they actually serve any purpose? No. We have nothing against them, but they are a bit lazy and useless. But at least they aren’t going to invade the planet and kill us all! Read on for more information about that. Cripes!

Well as the Mayans wrote in their blog: “The Earth itself is generally round, also known as spherical.” On this basis that must mean alien superbeings will readily take over our planet.

We know their monstrous abilities and included a picture of their stereotypical appearance. The real issue is what they will do with us.

Well, we have been thinking. Judging from the films we have watched aliens have odd habits, look at Jack from Titanic. Clearly he’s an alien as he can’t say the name “Rose” properly.

Plus, he’s played by flop haired funster Leonardo DiCaprio (think of the Leo strut). We should imagine Leo was, once, in a former life some great artist. For this life he’s a film superstar who makes girls swoon with his acting chops.

This is all besides the point. We’re on about monsters invading Earth here. So what can we all expect?

Typically when monsters invade there is general mayhem. This isn’t something to be overly concerned about as most attacks happen in America (Independence Day etc.) or, on the odd occasion, drunk aliens choose somewhere weird.

District 9 springs to mind. So what kind of slobbering monsters can you expect? The Mayans predicted that giant donkeys were going to invade the Earth.

This opinion came from the Inca society, was seconded by ancient Wales, then by antiquity-ridden Scunthorpe (a knackered town in England), and finally by Genghis Khan.

So, the moral (and morale) of this story is that monsters are nothing to be feared. We should entertain our pleasant invaders with tales of yore, and treat them with yodeling competitions.

Why yodeling? Well, why not? Do you want to spend the time explaining to them why you’re on Facebook 13/7 and see their deranged expressions? Of course not.

Our point is we shouldn’t be afraid of the invading monsters. They can be our friends to take to the pub and introduce to questionable lager. Rejoice, madame and monsieur. Rejoice!

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