You know, it was Mr. Wapojif’s Primary School teacher who once decided to do an educational lesson for the class. This being sunny old Lancashire (and the early ‘90s) we couldn’t really do anything like going to see Mount Chorley, or go waltzing along the Great Wall Of Chorley, or see the latest space shuttle launch at Chorley’s Localised Space Station, or catch the latest Michael Jackson gig at Chorley Stadium (he was very popular back then). No, we were left to just, you know, go to the local swimming baths and try not to get rabies. Imagine, then, our sunny, stupid, naïve brains getting all delighted when our teacher announced a special scientific study – we were to put pieces of bread in different areas of the classroom to see what would happen over the course of the week. Mr. Wapojif was charged with placing a slab of white bread in the corner of the room, so he got to it and proudly placed it overlooking the school playground. Then we waited, with Mr. Wapojif’s excitement growing with each day. Unfortunately, for a reason he don’t done go and remember, he ended up missing the great revealing day. His resentment was immediate, even though Mr. Wapojif was well aware (even at around 6 years of age) that the bread was to go mouldy. For this is what happens to bread, you see. It goes mouldy. Why? Well, who knows, maybe the ghost of Lenin knows a thing or two about this.
Now it’s not just bread that goes “off”. Lots of food also goes a bit rank if you leave it for a fair while, such as fish and eggnog. Fish has the unpleasant habit of stinking the place out, which makes it a hilarious food stuff to fling under someone’s bed for a laugh. Lolz. Other food is hazardous when it goes off, like beef. If you see a green looking flank of dead cow you ought to make a real dash for it, guy. Yo ho, yes. Tomorrow we take a look at what happens if you don’t wash for three years, stinky poops!