Exclusive Recipe: Pizza Soup!

Pizza Soup
It may look grotesque but, we assure you, it’s like pizza but in soup form!

We think most of humanity can agree pizza is great and highly edible. Whilst it’s not the most healthy thing ever (we think we can all agree Kellogs Cornflakes is the healthiest food ever), it is tasty and enjoyable comfort food. Indeed.

The one problem with pizza is how bloody fiddly it is. You have to use your hands to pick the damn thing up and stuff it into your face. It’s not flattering, nor is it glamorous. In general it’s an idiotic affair as you pull a funny face whilst guiding a pizza slice in mid-air and munching down on it. It’s a display of humanity at its very worst, to be honest, and we’re disgusted by all of you!

This is why we’ve invented Pizza Soup, which takes the hassle and indignity out of eating pizza. Indeed, can one imagine a world whereby one can sit down in a restaurant and everything on the menu was soup based? It would be amazing, and a major step towards a liberal society.

For now we’re stuck with our brilliant new recipe. To make Pizza Soup all one has to do is make a pizza as per usual, and then liquefy the SOB. How does one liquefy something?

Unless you have an acid bath available, the best bet is to use a blender, but we prefer the acid bath method. Being realistic, though, most of you will go for the blender, so you simply stick the whole pizza into your blender, jam the lid on, and stick the thing on the highest speed. Leave the machine for 5 minutes. To occupy yourself during this thyme, perhaps pick your nose, gargle vinegar, or juggle kitchen utensils like a butchers knife, rolling pin, and a toaster.

Once your pizza has been reduced to mush, presto hey! You’re done. Serve it in an bowel and use your finest spoon to consume. Glorious!

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