In Praise of Otters (and why they aren’t related to snakes)!

Otters
Is it an otter… or is it a furry snake?!

We thought we’d praise otters today, just for the heck of it. We’re pretty sure we’ve never met an otter, but they remain the type of animal you’d probably like to hang around with. This is especially true if you’re living next to an open stretch of water, such as a river, which is an otter’s typical habitat. It’s true – otters haven’t taken to cities following the human population explosion… unlike rats. Those blaggards!

Otters have a serpentine like skull when you think about it. Look at the image above. That’s what a snake’s head looks like. This has led us to hypothesise some species of snakes evolved into otters. We don’t have any evidence for this, other than overt evidence such as the image of the otter in the foreground above. The otter in the background looks more like King Kong, so we’re leaving him (or her) out of this.

Are Otters Furry Snakes?

Otters are mammals, of course, which are like animals but with more hair. Reptiles are not related to mammals or animals in any way, but it appears at some stage in history a snake evolved into what is now known as the otter. In the process, this snake species circumnavigated the laws of nature to transform itself into a mammal. This is pretty good going!

We’re presuming the snake lived in a really cold area, so it grew hair to keep it warm. Eventually, limbs emerged from its body along with teeth, and the otter was complete. We contacted evolutionary experts about this possibility, but were dismissed as insane crackpots. Hmmm… anyway, nowadays there are some 13 extant (the opposite of extinct) otter species. They are classified as “semiaquatic” animals, which is like classifying dogs as “semi-airborne” – vague and largely specious reasoning.

Otters typically live in dens, although some of the more advanced species acquire tents from local DIY stores. They live on food such as fish, plants, rocks, and discarded tinned tomatoes. This information proved rather irrelevant to us, so we decided to pursue the possibility whether or not we could form a mighty new species. We pursued the matter with tangible interference.

Our Otters Are Furry Snakes!

To solve this most perplexing mystery, we decided to breed an otter and a snake (a rattle snake, to be precise) so we could pronounce to definitely have an otter/snake breed of animal. We were set to name this new species the snotter. It’s an amalgamation (we hate that word) of “snake” and “otter” – snotter. Regardless, something went wrong.

We acquired an otter and a rattlesnake (don’t ask how) “illegally”. Upon introducing the two animals for the first time, the most horrific din commenced – it was an almighty cacophony of destruction we had not expected. The enraged rattlesnake (Clive) began hissing wildly, rattling menacingly, and took to lunging at us all with his barbed fangs. The otter (Mary), clearly alarmed, began this strange honking noise, before hurtling around our office trashing the place.

This encounter led to all of us being rushed to hospital for anti-venom inoculations. Following this disaster, we have been stripped of our rights to own otters and snakes, which means we can’t pursue this thesis any further. This is a shame. As for Clive and Mary, they have been returned to their natural habitats and stay in contact via email. Bless.

4 comments

  1. You aught to have known about the otters! Well, never mind!
    I have a friend named Otta, but he’s not a snake. Snakes aught not to be otters.
    Other than that, I aught not be allowed to author other otter comments.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Otters were invented by the Ottoman Empire, of course. I neglected to mention this in the post. Darn!

      Otta is a cool name. Imagine if you got an otter and called it Otta. That’d be as ace as owning a hamster called Steve… which I do!

      Liked by 1 person

      • LOL! Now you’ve got me wondering if the ottoman ((foot bed) was invented by the Ottoman Empire? What about the auto? A friend once wrote … I auto cry, I auto laugh, because you want my autograph.
        Please give Steve my warmest regards… and a little pet (only if allowed)

        Like

        • The Ottoman Empire did so much for humanity. Otters, oats, Otto from The Simpsons.

          As for Steve, he remains awesome. I’ve had to steer clear of him as one has man flu. I’ve dubbed this his “alone time” – it’ll do him good!

          Liked by 1 person

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