We haven’t done an In Praise of post in, like, you know, like, ages, so we decided to redress this issue by getting dressed and writing something. As it’s summer, we thought we’d praise those fluffy things which grow on dandelions and then flutter through the air beautifully before lodging themselves in your eyeball or, worse, up a stray nostril.
The dandelion (better known as the taraxacum) is a flowering weed which pollutes the environment with these fluffy things which float upon the airwaves. Apparently these things are seeds. It’s beautiful (beautiful again… thrice we’ve written such a word!), really, this plant. Even though it is a weed. However, we must ask the harsh question: is this weed dangerous and prime for extermination? We delve into the matter.
Dandelion Seeds: An Auspicious Menace?
Many a spring and summer day in the history of everything has been enlivened by dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze in the way a Mozart symphony clatters through one’s eardrums. On this basis, the seeds are harmless and the dandelion plant makes for a glorious delight as it radiates in the summer sunshine. What a most inspiring force for society!
Conversely, one must remember the dandelion is a raging pervert. Able to produce without pollination (“Omg! Like, for real?!”), this asexual monstrosity has been corrupting the moral fabric of society for centuries!
Why has this been allowed? Potentially due to herbal tea fanatics such as us, Professional Moron. Dandelion tea is highly tasty and acts as a diuretic (a heretic director, we’re presuming that word means) and as something for gardeners to complain about (“T’bloody gardens overpopulated with f’t’bloody dandelions again, Deirdre!”).
Such contributions to humanity as a whole far outweigh the unholy debauchery dandelions have forced upon us all. We shall forgive them their foibles as, we must state, a world without dandelions would be like a world without lions: not as roarsome (awesome).
Dandelions, of course, didn’t evolve from lions. Indeed, the lion evolved from humans who like to lie-in (or something, we forget – see: A Great Lie-In or a Great Lion) – becoming unkempt and hairy, the humans’ laziness gradually saw them lose the ability to speak properly. They’re now destined to a fate of lying around in the sun eating zebras – horrifying!
As for dandelions, we like them despite how confusing they are (or is). We must heap praise on dandelions for confusing the bejeezus out of us. We’ve been questioning our sanity ever since we started writing this post and we’ll be questioning it long into the future, too!