It was Aliens’ 30th anniversary last weekend and most of the cast, including psychotic genius action film director James Cameron (controlled via Hannibal Lecter styled restraints), turned up to do a special press conference. Wonderful! Sigourney Weaver? Awesome! Michael Biehn? Brilliant! Bill Paxton? Groovy!

They ranted some about one of the best films ever, which brought up many popular quotes from the movie. One of them is “Get away from her, you bitch!” which Weaver’s character, Ripley, screams at a rampaging alien Xenomorph Queen. If that sounds a bit camp, trust us it isn’t. This is one scary film… but what if things had been a bit different?

Get away from her, you bitch!

Here’s the original quote, a legendary line from Ripley, with Weaver on immense bad ass form throughout the film. Oscar-nominated, it’s a crime she didn’t win it. A crime! Anyway, as for the line…

Well it’s kind of vague, isn’t it? Okay, she’s indicated to the Queen she would prefer it if the beast vacated the local vicinity around Ripley’s best mate Newt. She does not, however, indicate where the beast should go. The alien could have, by all rights, taken one step to the right and this, essentially, would have been getting away from her. You bitch.

Get away from her, you massive bitch!

We feel Ripley didn’t emphasise just how enormous the alien is. This line would have, simultaneously, done so whilst also doubling up on the enormity of the alien Queen’s bitchiness.

Get away from here, you bitch!

She was trying to save Newt… why did she name drop (sort of) the very thing she was trying to save? By highlighting “her” the alien Queen knew exactly who Ripley was on about. Had she dropped “here” in, it would have been a more understandable, and carefully constructed, sentence.

We appreciate the stress of the situation, but Ripley, famed for her rational thought, was being anything but there. She was being irrational, and there’s no excuse for that.

Can you please get far away from here and leave us alone, otherwise I will have to murder you like I just did with your terrifying children, you bitch?

Based on some of the above points, we believe this is what Ripley should have stated during the incident. It would have been a whole lot more helpful, but due to the heat of the moment, we can understand why she had to truncate her discourse.

Git away from her, you bitch!

If you’re going to be offensive, Ripley, why not be doubly so? Mind you, in the previous scene Ripley had torched all of the Xenomorph’s kids… you kind of understand why the beast is angry.

Can you please vacate the local vicinity, I would like to assist this little girl?

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with trying to be polite, even if you are facing down a 20ft alien monstrosity which resembles the worst nightmare from the darkest reaches of your imagination.

Bitch!

Given the circumstances, was there really any need for the preceding “Get away from her, you” bit? Wasted energy, in our opinion. Why not just get stuck right in with an insult and then get fighting?

Surely, after the fight, Ripley (being a conscientious sort) mulled over her choice of words. Not just for that one fight, but throughout the film… er, we mean real life incident from the future.

Get away from her, you itch!

Profanity isn’t always the best way forward, though. Why not subtly hint, through clever wordplay, how the alien Queen is making a bit of a nuisance of herself? She may have taken the hint and backed off. After all, giant slobbering monsters from the deepest regions of hell have introspective abilities, too.

Get away from her, you bitch.

Instead of SHOUTING the line, Ripley could have reeled it off in a softly spoken way. Why not? This casual verbal assault may have played down the incident. The Queen could have apologised, bowed, and returned to her home planet (which was about to be detonated in a nuclear explosion, of course, which would have eradicated her – bonus).

Sup?! Beat it, biatch!

There would have been no harm in trying on a bit of trendy youth slang, either. The alien monstrosity may have felt woefully behind the times. She may have beaten a hasty retreat as a result. We’ll never know, as Ripley went full belligerence.

Get away from her, you stitch!

Kind of like the one higher above – a nuisance reminder. The alien Queen has been nothing but a pain in the side for Ripley. Make it clear to her, woman!

Get away from her, you glitch!

Aware the fabric of reality may be collapsing around her, Ripley questions her existence and the nature of what is real. Is she in a video game? Is she in the Matrix? Only Smarties have the answer.

Get away from her, Mitch!

Who’s Mitch? We don’t know, maybe Ripley confused the enormous, malodorous, cantankerous monster for her ex-husband or something. Who knows what Ripley got up to before all those aliens dominated her life? Or, maybe, the Alien Queen is a drag-queen really called Mitch. Conjecture.

Get away from her, poopy pants!

Finally, if this film had a U rating, we could have enjoyed this more chilled out version of the quote. Here’s to the next 30 years, Aliens!