Exclusive Invention: The CupBoard (it’s made out of cups!)

The CupBoard
Did you know these things can withstand several metric tonnes of stuff?

Cupboards have been fairly useful in the history of everything, often left to stand in the corner of one’s room with stuff resting on top of (and inside) them. They’re pretty useful, but not useful enough! This is why the CupBoard has been invented by us, which is a cupboard made entirely out of cups!

We do this with a lot of glue and about 700 spare ceramic cups, which should be enough to create a giant cupboard with enough room to store other things if you want. We can recommend you can store things such as cups in your CupBoard, although other items like wild geese, towels, and wild rice are also acceptable. Above everything else, the thing is just a bloody great big eyesore which will act as a conversational stimulator in and around your home.

The CupBoard

Some of you may be wondering why you should immediately demolish your old cupboards to make way for the CupBoard. We heartily recommend you immediately hack your old cupboards to smithereens, simply as the things will likely be infested with cockroaches, irrelevant nostalgic influences, and not enough cups.

The CupBoard solves the cup issue by being made out of the bloody things! You can’t believe how overbearingly white the goddamn thing is – you know that phrase “Don’t let them see the whites of your eyes!”? Well this cupboard will make you forget all about it, simply as it’s so bloody white!

It’s not a racist cupboard as we are liberals at Professional Moron, we simply want the teeth grinding agony of ceramic white tea cups on ceramic white tea cups. Every time some wind passes through your house, the high-pitched shriek of all that lot slightly rubbing against each other will have your ears melting in no time. Plus, it’s only £1,000 ($4,000)!

Disintegration Issues

Do note, the CupBoard has severe issues with seemingly spontaneous collapse. Our critics have pointed out it would be unwise to store items such as nuclear warheads, wild bears, cement mixers, or fracking equipment (as we’ve been doing) in the CupBoard.

Indeed, we reported on our company blog that after detonating some semtex near to the CupBoard, a large chunk of it flew off and demolished our factory wall. Our apprentice was also left with a gammy knee after a chunk of CupBoard ricocheted off him at 100mph, leaving him in a heap of blood and agony on the floor. Hahaha! Happy Halloween, dude!

Keen observers have indicated this piece of furniture is unsuitable to be furniture as, you know, cups are usually meant for drinking out of. The great news is the CupBoard doubles up as a giant cup – it truly is a modern marvel!

Simply pour your liquid into which one you want to use, then hire Arnold Schwarzenegger to turn up at your property, lift up the CupBoard, and pour the contents into your stupid face. This should only cost you $30,000 per Big Arnie appearance – below is a staged depiction on how it should all go.

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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