Terrible Sayings Revisited: Sweat Your Appetite

Sweat your appetite
How grotesque!

This disgusting saying has been around way too long and we’re sick of the sweaty sight of it! Indeed, we’ve classed this as a terrible saying as, frankly, we believe only crazed maniacs, perverts, and astronauts would go around saying this. Really, no other member of society has any need for it, unless you’re on some sort of sweaty diet, we guess.

Sweating itself is a natural reaction the body has. It’s a national pastime in most nations (except all those cold ones, like Chile). It’s simple science – if you overeat on stuff, you gain weight and become morbidly obese. Eventually, you get forklifted onto the set of Jeremy Kyle and you bare your soul to the world. What’s the solution? Apparently, a sweaty diet where you sweat out your appetite. Don’t even go there, sister!

Sweat Your Appetite

Sweating out your appetite is a bit of an odd one in that surely it’d hurt to force the likes of kebabs, burgers, and sandwiches through your pores. Ow! You know, like jamming a finger into your eyeball when you were supposed to be up there trying to itch it. Now your eye is running but everyone things you’re crying like some big sissy. So you try and prove them wrong by warbling “I’m NOT bloody crying!” which, of course, fails miserably.

The saying “sweat your appetite” is like this. It’ll make you cry through unbridled agony, but it’ll also make you cringe when anyone brings it up. For instance, Mr. Wapojif was recently at McDonald’s and the acne-ridden chef said “Does this sweat your appetite?” upon producing a Big Mac.

Naturally, Mr. Wapojif’s immediate reaction was one of cantankerous outrage. “WHAT!?” he bellowed at the top of his lungs, before making a huge scene involving grappling with the chef, a security guard, and eventually the pavement outside the restaurant.

As you can see, this sayings brings about nothing but bad things. This is ironic, as sweating is analogous in this respect. Indeed, ever tried to do something such as a business meeting whilst pouring sweat quite evidently? Not even a casual “My word, I do appear to be discharging water rapidly today!” will soothe the disgusted reactions of investors or colleagues.

Going on a Diet

The only solution is to go on a diet… such as the sweat your appetite diet. Oh man, how did this go full circle?! Well, if you have to we can at least recommend sweat potatoes. These are like normal potatoes, except they sweat a lot. You can eat sweats such as bonbons and haribo as an occasional snack, but mainly you sit about the place not moving.

If you have a sweet boyfriend or girlfriend, they’ll bring you all of this for you to consume as you binge-watch Netflix. Sure, you’ll gain a lot of weight rather rapidly and become grotesque in the eyes of the world, but at least you’ll be able to attend business meetings whilst breathing disturbingly heavily, struggling with early onset heart disease, and passing out arbitrarily. In the name of love? What more in the name of love, Bono.

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