FAQs: What are shower curtains and are they even necessary?

A shower unit.
So, do you really need that blue bit?

Okay, so you like to shower, right? Well, sometimes you just don’t have the time to bathe in a bath. With this is mind, surely the shower curtain merely adds wasted time to your showering endeavours? You’d think so, but others argue the shower curtain is an integral part of the showering experience. So, let’s have a look at common shower FAQs to clear up any confusion.

What is a shower curtain?

A shower curtain is a curtain that is used with a shower in order to assist with the showering process.

How does it assist with the showering process?

This is debatable. Some suggest it stops water splatter from splattering the bathroom. Others claim it is a mindless piece of decor designed to ruin the purity of the shower. Yet more indicate it’s a governmental device to spy on people.

Okay… so what’s with shower curtain mould, then, why does that happen?

The mould is further indication of the shower curtain’s dubious status. Normal curtains don’t get that, so why do you put up with shower curtains and their disgusting mould? Bet you didn’t think of it like that!

Yeah, but, the shower curtain means my bathroom doesn’t get covered in water when I shower, which…

Shut up! As previously indicated, does the shower curtain really cause excess water sprayage? Or are you just paranoid and delusional?

Look, I’m pretty sure it stops a significant amount of water from drenching my bathroom.

Significant? That’s your reasoning here – significant?! Cold hard facts are what’s needed when it comes to shower curtains, my friend. Do you have any of those?

Well, no, but I do have a nice dry bathroom and I attribute this to my use of a shower curtain.

That’s unconvincing. How many showers do you have a week? No rough estimates, remember that cold hard facts are needed here!

Well… like, erm… 12 showers a week. I’d say. Sometimes more, if I’m at the gym, say, as I’m trying to shift some of this excess hip fat.

Okay, so for 12 showers did you really cause such a ruckus within your shower that there would be a tsunami worth of water in your bathroom?

Er… well, probably not, but there still would have been water residue…

Cut the crap!

I’m sorry?!

You heard! Your specious reasoning doesn’t hold sway here. Shower curtains serve no earthly purpose and this is apparent to those not tainted by lies and propaganda.

Look… they’re just shower curtains for the shower. Sometimes you have a door. Sometimes you have a shower curtain. Sometimes both. I think you’re reading too much into this.

That’s just what they want you to believe.

Look, I came here to ask you questions about shower curtains. Not get involved with some conspiracy theory nonsense.

If you can’t handle the truth, then please leave. We’re here to answer pressing questions about shower curtains. Not reel off the generic industry tropes that keep people as vacuous as you labouring under the belief these products are for the good of your bathroom.

But… they are for the good of bathrooms.

No, they are not!

Are you seriously suggesting I should just shower and let water get everywhere in my bathroom, consequently promoting mould and other bacterial productivity?

If you want to keep lying to yourself then you continue with your present hygiene regime. But next time you prepare to shower, ask yourself this: “Does this goddamn useless shower curtain really endear itself to this scenario I find myself in? Or is it superfluous?” Therein will you find the truth.

What “truth”?! It’s just a goddamn shower curtain!

God may well have damned the shower curtain. But for humanity, we can only have a clear conscious when they are exterminated.

Okay, so you’re suggesting shower curtains should be wiped out? That’s not even possible.

Perfectly possible! All one has to do is bankrupt the shower curtain making companies. Start by cutting them off at the source – those supporting rungs and poles shower curtains are attached to. Make sure there are no resources to make them. Blow up the shower curtain pole and rung making factories. Hit them where it hurts!

I can’t say I concur with this. That’s arson, for a start, which is illegal. and I mean without a shower curtain, I’m going to have to fork out for a shower door to ensure the water doesn’t spray…

Fool! Have you not been paying attention to a word we’re telling you?! The excess water spray is a lie! Exhibit a degree of caution within the shower and there will be no excess dribble.

Yeah, but, I like to bust some moves in the shower and sing Dancing Queen. Plus that “I like to move it move it” song I can’t remember the name of.

Well, you’ll have to stop. Try and limit movement to lathering shampoo and picking up a bar of soap.

That sounds a bit dreary. I choose to live a lie. My shower curtain isn’t going anywhere. Sorry. You’ve not convinced me.

That is disappointing. So I shall leave you with this oft quoted quote from William Shakespeare to mull over: “Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?” And if he responds with “In the shower!” then find out whether Romeo uses a shower curtain or not. If he does, that cad is as brainwashed as you are!

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