Exclusive Invention: Kitchen Stink (like a sink, but it smells bad)

A leaking tap in a sink
Just as well you can’t smell this thing.

You may view your boring old sink as just that – boring. You jam your dishes in there, you scrub at them with bubbly washing up liquid, and then the whole thing comes to an end in a flurry of complaining about having to do the washing up whilst your lazy SOB husband lounges about on the sofa eating potato chips!!!

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Well, it does. Unfortunately. But with our latest invention, the kitchen stink, you’ll have a foul-smelling sink that adds various, interesting, and enthralling new complexities to your otherwise dreary and pointless daily existence of washing up crockery.

The Kitchen Stink

Why would you want a sink that stinks? Well, it’s a conversation starter. An argument point. A great source of mirth for dinner parties. And it’ll make your foul smelling man bloke of a husband a bit more appealing.

Thusly, why wouldn’t you want to own a kitchen stink? It’s exactly what your kitchen needs! To make the stink smell bad, it’s made out of:

  • Rotting raw sewage
  • Rotten eggs
  • Man feet
  • Man BO
  • Rotting puke
  • Rotting cigarettes
  • Unwashed socks
  • Rotting unwashed socks
  • Garlic breath

Many apologies if that’s a bit too gross for you at this time of day, but we were hardly going to make it out of daffodils, vanilla, and Her Royal Majesty the Queen’s sneezes… were we? No. Because they smell nice! Especially the sneezing bit, which smell like a million potatoes slathered with houmous and dipped in deodorant. That’s our Queen for you!

Washing Up Liqstink

To go with your kitchen stink, we’ve also created washing up liqstink. This functions like washing up liquid, but it creates an even more unholy smell. What’s it smell of? Well, you know how lovely freshly mown grass smells? This is the opposite. It’s freshly unmown grass. So, as you can imagine, it smells diabolical.

You get your face musk on (this product is sold separately and is in no way affiliated with Elon Musk) when you approach the kitchen stink. You then get your bottle of washing up liqstink and have at the dishes.

The reeking stench of stink will be quite overpowering by this point, even with your face musk on (perhaps have a picture of Elon Musk nearby to ease your miasmatic nausea). If you’re feeling queasy, order any particularly malodorous males to leave the premises immediately. This is on health and safety grounds, as their pong will only add to your desire to spew.

Air Stink

Finally, after you’ve washed up and cleared everything away for the evening, turn to our patented air stink. This is like air spray, but it doesn’t half smell bad! One squirt of this and the guff is so appalling you’ll have to fumigate your home and/or move house entirely.

As such, we recommend you only use the air stink as a last resort. If you’re really eager to move home, for example, then spray this thing liberally about the place. We’re not legally allowed to divulge what’s in the product, for fear of triggering off a public panic. But, rest assured, if you like bad smells, this one is strong enough to render you comatose. 

9 comments

  1. I don’t get it? Is Elon Musk a Stinkfragrance? Why do I need a stink?
    I have 2 already. Are more than 2 stinks advised per household. I already buy Stinkliq. Do I really need liqstink. My product might be better because it begins in a capitol.

    Like

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