Whether it’s with or without bits, orange juice is a refreshing drink with some serious panache. But it also tastes like vomit if you consume the stuff shortly after brushing one’s teeth. What’s that all about? Is it sorcery?

It’s definitely not divine intervention, that’s for sure (probably).

But this enigma has confused us for decades, so today we went and did some research to enlighten the rest of you idiots with. Perhaps read whilst sipping a glass of OJ, eh?

Orange Juice & Toothpaste

Okay, so it’s first thing in the morning and you need to get to work. You’re hungover after your all-night gin drinking session.

Your eyes are bloodshot from all the cocaine, plus conjunctivitis due to not washing in weeks. You’ve had an hour of sleep and you’re pretty sure you’re still out of it to the point of a potential psychotic episode.

But, dammit, your business needs you – those shelves aren’t going to stack themselves!

So you do the only thing you can do to make yourself presentable for your adoring public. You brush your teeth, then down a litre of orange juice to take the edge of your pounding skull.

But, my word, that’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever tasted! And you barfed last night and accidentally swallowed half of it back down your gullet.

You stop for a moment and think… why does OJ taste so no-K after toothpaste? You blackout onto the floor and later wake up on a drip in hospital.

The Science Bit

Was it the toothpaste and orange juice combo that floored you? No, that was the rampant gin and cocaine excesses. The nasty taste is due to Johnny Rotten’s worst enemy – toothpaste.

Apparently, it’s all about taste receptors in your stupid face. A toothpaste compound called sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS) assaults your taste buds temporarily.

Every person’s stupid gob is home to circa 4,000 taste buds. Each one has about 50 receptors. Without these, food would taste like nothingness.

Toothpaste physically assaults this perfect world of tasteful balance.

SLS acts as a detergent – like swilling your stupid gnashers with bleach. As oranges are bitter (due to decades of depreciation thanks to satsumas), SLS suppresses sweetness receptors and phospholipids (that usually helps with bitterness blocking).

So, putting it in simple terms for you cretins, toothpaste ensures we get to taste just how bitter orange juice really would be for us without those handy receptors.

There you have it. Want OJ to be as sweet as a man arriving on a date with a bunch of flowers? Don’t use toothpaste. Ever. It’s worth letting your teeth drop out one by one to savour that sweet, sweet orange stuff.

However, if you want OJ to be as bitter as a man arriving for a date planning to steal your purse… well, brush and imbibe. You crazy damn fool.