Haiku Friday #3: Foodie Special

Letters on a page
Illegible.

Greetings and welcome to another edition of Haiku Friday. After the success of the last two, we may turn this into a regular feature. But that’s up to us, so don’t put any undue pressure on us, yeah?

Anyway, it’s a (largely) foodie special this week. With a few other casual asides. Enjoy it. And remember – if you criticise our poetic efforts, we’ll write a goddamn 77 stanza retort. Plus, force you to read it at gunpoint!

Classic Adaptation

Roses are red.

Violence is blue.

Why the bloody hell am I covered in poo? 

Sandwiches

Chop up the bread.

Insert the ingredients.

Choke to death on tomato.

Instant Noodles

Oodles of noodles in a pot.

They will make your gut rot.

Should have eaten some apricot.

Porridge

Need to build a bridge?

Then go and eat some porridge.

Although it won’t help if a brick lands on your skull, killing you instantly.

Full English Breakfast

Do you want to feel full?

Then you should hang out with a bull.

It will eviscerate you.

Mayonnaise

What the hell is this stuff?

It reminds me of Nazi Germany.

I do not know why I make that correlation.

Food Poisoning

Do you like to poo?

Then you should always forget to chew.

Raw meat you’ve pulled from someone’s loo.

Roast Dinners

Five hours of baking away.

What a bloody waste of my day.

Everyone has finished after 30 minutes.

All You Can Eat

Do you want to vomit?

Then turn off Wallace and Gromit.

And rush to your local cafe like a comet.

Spinach

I blame my chronic armpit itch.

On my unbridled love for cooked spinach.

Popeye is a lying SOB.

Pie

Do you want to cook some pie?

Then you must prepare to die.

Or at least lose one eye (due to a stroke).

Chewing

Chew today.

Chew tomorrow.

My teeth dropped out.

Elementary Mathematics

I ain’t so good at math.

Because I spend too much time in the bath.

I really need a new career path.

5 comments

Leave a Reply to Mr. Wapojif Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.