20 FREE Mission Statements For Businesses

Business mission statement

You, business owner! You need a mission statement. We’re experts—just check out the title of this website!

But you’re too dumb to come up with your own! So, let us define your business’ long-term goals with a pithy sentence that encapsulates your corporate conscience.

Collect Your FREE Mission Statements Today!

Make no mistake, the following bad boys will have the trillions flowing in before you can say, “Hang on a second, are you sure this is legal?!”

  1. Inspiring humanity, whether on the toilet or not on the toilet.
  2. Evolving the way in which c-suiters hoard wealth whilst treating inferior employees like shit.
  3. Parp! To become the world’s leading whoopee cushion developer and dominate the market.
  4. Providing mindless consumerists with the power to destroy their lives.
  5. We’re here to make money and don’t give a toss about anything else.
  6. To become the #1 [insert industry] in the world, bankrupting everyone else and leaving tens of thousands unemployed, destitute, and homeless. Mwahahahaha!
  7. Empowering creators to create creations of dubious quality whilst we profit from their misguided sense of worth.
  8. Becoming the BEST BUSINESS on planet Earth, whilst simultaneously destroying it due to myriad careless environmental policies.
  9. To mislead the world into thinking our billionaire CEO isn’t a greedy wanker!
  10. Redefining notions of success by ensuring no employees receive a wage.
  11. Working hard every day to deliver a perfectly adequate service.
  12. Not stopping until we’re at the cutting-edge of the toilet unblocking industry.
  13. Mastering liposuction procedures—despite the many mishaps—since 1985.
  14. Question questions. Think about thinking. Iterate irritably. Detail details. Design is in every swearword. Integrity is leprosy. Pretentious.
  15. Reinventing how customers waste their general lack of funds.
  16. Inspiring communities to be healthier by offering deleteriously unhealthy products.
  17. Looking to become Bolton’s primary pineapple delivery service—whatever it takes.
  18. Providing the best illegal black market head severing service in all of Lancashire.
  19. Dumping dead bodies into lakes since 1971.
  20. Making the best gut-rotting instant meals since scurvy.

There we go, all done. 20 fantastic mission statements you can use to adapt for your business—for free!

Except for the £100 charge and £400 retrofitting over your old mission statement.

You must provide us with attribution or well come round to your property and burn it to the ground.


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