Exclusive Recipe: Case Law Coleslaw

Gavel hammer in case law

The law is great. Without the law, there would be total anarchy. With the law, there’s a more controlled sense of mayhem. With and without the law, you get coleslaw.

And due to the demands of modern litigation, there are now many, many, many bits of legal case law laying about the place.

What do you do with all those old case law papers that need doing away with? Well, you turn them into a tasty coleslaw!

Case Law Coleslaw

Just to note, you don’t make coleslaw out of cole. No, it’s more a mixture of finely shredded cabbage, mayonnaise, and bits of shredded carrot.

You can add activated charcoal, if you like, as that’s a thing these days. Along with roast avocado Sunday dinners, vegan Pot Noodle sandwiches, and all that snowflake Millennial stuff. Bastards!

Anyway, this recipe is pretty much as you may expect. What you do, right, is get all your case law legal documents and stuff them through your paper shredded. Then bung that lot into a blender. Blend until blended.

Meanwhile, prepare your coleslaw. Shred the cabbage. Shred the carrots. Add in the mayonnaise. Add in the pulped remnants of long-concluded legal cases.

Objection, your honour!? Non! Voila! For your enjoyment, here’s a tasty condiment to add to your breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

If you’re in the legal industry, perhaps feed this to your customers to imbue them with the knowledge of a thousand court cases.

Always handy. Otherwise they just sit there going, “What does pro bono mean? I’m not against U2, per se, but I can’t say I endorse Bono or his contributions to music, charity, and culture as a whole. All I want to know is whether I’m going to get done for punching that bloke in the face who said Man Utd are ‘Crap!’ That bastard! That total scumbag bastard!”

Legalese Lunches

In future, we’re hoping to provide the legal industry with all manner of dietary ideas.

For example, what would you want to eat most in court? Courgette, obviously! So, yes, we’re hoping to add element of a judge’s wig into proceedings.

And what if the hapless defendee has to go to jail? Well, jelly will see them through the next 10, 20, or 30 years.

Thrown your life away? Don’t you worry, strawberry jelly puts a smile on your face!

Other than that, we’re out of ideas. Other than bringing in beers. For a few extra jeers.


Dispense with some gibberish!

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